Twelve Days of Riddler
by SpyVsTailor
Summary: Over the course of a year, they discover they aren't so very different.
1. Christmas

_**I tend to think of fanfiction as mere entertainment. Review or don't. Just enjoy. Also, I made a vow to never post unless the story is done. So don't expect this one to cut off halfway through. (I hate when that happens!)**_

_**~* Christmas *~**_

The alley smelled faintly of day old Italian food and urine, despite the fresh scent of falling snow that hovered over it.

It was that acrid scent that could only come from the industrial landscape of a dirty city. It was failed dreams and all too innocent hope, with only a pinch of remorse lingering from the fast paced sex that occasionally haunted the seedy area between Marco's and the pawn shop. It was wet cement and rancid garbage, car exhaust and cigarettes.

From her perch on a fire escape, she watched the people pass, her breath coming out in soft wisps, floating into the night sky like the swirls that curled out from under a freshly popped cork. It would have been a serene, starlit night, if it wasn't for the fact she was brewing white hot rage inside her.

The people of Gotham were obscenely happy during the holiday season, scampering by with their arms filled full of brightly coloured gifts, wrapped in sweet ribbons and useless paper, made her physically ill.

Beneath her, a couple lay unconscious, she didn't assault them, but she certainly didn't help them. If they were stupid enough to go down a dark alley in Gotham, then the group of street punks were a hard lesson learned in life. They would wake in the morning, possibly in the hospital and know never to venture into dark alleys again. It wasn't Smalltown, USA. It was Gotham City and everyone knew Gotham was hell on earth.

After a few minutes of watching the little rat bastards pick over their victims, Selina decided it was time to intervene.

Eyeing her prey, she leapt, dropping to the hard ground of the alley.

Grasping her whip in a strong, but delicate hand, she lashed out, knocking a young man onto his ass.

Before the other two could cry out, Selina Kyle turned on one, dropping him like a sandbag in a run down theatre, the second man soon followed, finished by her elbow. The boys scrambled to their feet, smart enough not to mess with anyone in any form of costume.

Moving to stand over the forms of the couple as the youth took off into the night, she sneered. "You should have taken the long way home, kids."

It had been only two hours prior that she was skulking around Wayne Manor, the brightly lit interior calling to her like a lighthouse in the fog. It was Christmas Eve and all the merriment of the season, all the well faked joy and family togetherness suckered her into thinking that she could tolerate it for once with someone who didn't make her want to bang her head against a wall.

But inside the manor Bruce seemed far too happy with his newest blonde bombshell some spoiled princess of a socialite. And while he gathered around a richly decorated tree with his little bat family and that horrid woman being catered to by Alfred, serving them eggnog on a silver platter, Selina knew she wasn't wanted there.

Turning violet eyes on the gifts at her feet, she smirked, those boys were about to rob them anyways, may as well make use of a fortuitous situation.

"I'm glad to see someone else as fed up with this season as I." A well spoken tone broke over her moment as she gathered up all the gifts. It was a deceptively soft, crystal clear voice, that sparked something in her mind as familiar, but wasn't quite familiar enough. "Hemi-parasitic weeds hanging in doorways, songs about peace and love, a smile on every face and a nog in every pot."

Catwoman glanced over her shoulder at who dared interrupt her angry thieving and found none other than the Riddler emerging from the shadows of the pawn shop's backdoor.

Resting heavily on his cane while cocking his hip rakishly, he smiled down at her with his mockingly coy grin. It was a bright, almost boyish grin that seemed demure only because he tilted his head downwards ever so and lowered his lashes almost humbly.

She knew better. The Riddler was anything but demure.

Tucking all of the gifts (an overabundance in her opinion) into the black garbage bag she carried in a pouch at her hip (she never knew when she might come across the chance to steal a lot of things at once), Selina stood up and spun on him.

He continued to stand there arrogantly, his eyes shadowed by his fedora. "One might consider it cathartic, they," he pointed at her victims with his cane, "however, might consider it robbery. Now, I know you have more class than this…"

Selina glowered darkly at him. "You remind me of a jackal standing there, Eddie." She purred. "Waiting to pick clean the carcasses."

The Riddler chuckled. It was that laugh of his that bordered on giddy. When he finally sobered, he raised his head just enough, so that the light from Marco's backdoor struck his turquoise eyes, electrifying them. "It's Christmas Eve, kitten. Shouldn't you be holed up somewhere warm?"

"I could ask the same of you, Ed." She remarked coolly, striding away. "And don't ever call me 'kitten'."

The green suited man caught up with her fluidly, bounding at her side youthfully. "Let me rephrase my question. Shouldn't you be holed up somewhere warm with someone you love, sipping cider and wrapping your own gifts?"

Selina scoffed. "What a revolting idea." She growled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing the Riddler hard onto the ground. She knew it was juvenile, but it made her feel a little better.

As he landed, long limbs askew, on the dirty, wet pavement, he looked up at her with a slight pout. "This suit is new." He replied. "You really have no idea how hard it is to find them in green."

Standing over him, free hand on her hip, she eyed Eddie's lean form on the ground. If it wasn't for the mouth or the ego on him, he wouldn't be half bad to look at, not her type, but not horrible. The dominatrix in her found that she liked him best splayed out on the ground, right knee cocked, left leg stuck out straight, tie askew, jacket open.

"Everyone should have someone to be with at Christmas, kitten," he said sagely, still on the ground, propped up with his elbows.

"Well put," she remarked, placing her boot in the middle of his chest and pushing him back down, "why don't you run off and do that and leave me alone."

Eddie placed a slender, gloved hand to her ankle. "I could, but I too have no one to be with at Christmas. We are two peas in the same pod."

"Why am I not surprised you have no one at Christmas, Ed?" Selina replied, allowing him to push her foot off his chest.

He stood up, adjusting the warm looking, green and purple striped scarf at his neck and brushing alleyway dirt off his suit with precise, exact sweeps of his hands. "People seem put off by my intelligence." He said, adjusting his gloves. "But the more important question is, why don't _you _have anyone during this," he sighed grudgingly, "_joyous _season?"

"Because I _chose _to be alone, Ed." She replied.

He tilted his head back, angling his lower jaw doubtfully as he studied her with narrowed eyes.

Selina was tempted to roundhouse him then and there, instead she took hold of his scarf with her free hand and pulled him in close to her. "What's the look for, Ed?" She demanded.

Using his cane to push up his fedora, Eddie smiled his maniacally boyish smile. "You got rejected, didn't you, kitten? Poor, beautiful Selina Kyle, out cold in the snow. Oh, how the others will talk…" he sighed, settling his hand to his cheek as though he weren't in the claw tipped grip of death.

This time Selina dropped the bag of presents to properly knock Eddie onto the ground, he did well dodging her blows for a moment, but not really the fighter, he was soon nailed with a good right hook and a boot on his way down. "What did I say about calling me 'kitten'?" She growled.

Touching a finger to his bleeding bottom lip, Eddie continued to smile smugly up at her, once more splayed out on the ground pleasingly.

She wondered then, if anyone ever really managed to shut The Riddler up properly. He was incorrigible.

While she was lost in enraged thought, Eddie had gotten back to his feet, once more wiping the grime of the alley off his suit, not caring much about his split bottom lip.

Selina snapped back to the reality of her Christmas. In a dark alley with the Riddler, robbing gifts from happy couples. She scoffed at her own pathetic turn in life and shook her head.

"The thing about playing with the Bat is, he always sets the rules." Eddie said, his tone almost fatherly. "Things never happen on your terms, always his. Well," he smirked, "unless you _force_ circumstances to be on your terms."

Frowning at him, Selina gave the Riddler a hard look.

"He is the reason you're in such a foul mood, am I correct?"

"You don't know anything about me, Eddie. And you damned well know nothing about my relationship with Batman."

"I know enough to know he's the only man you play nicely with. Don't insult my deductive skills, Selina dear. Ego animadverto, ego teneo*."

"You know nothing, Eddie."

"See, you're wrong, kitten. I know you. And in my prime I studied The Bat with a fine tooth comb and one thousand times magnification, and do you know what I found?" He touched the handle of his cane to the area just under her chin.

Selina swiped the cane away from her and moved off. "I don't care what you found and if you touch me again I'll rip your tongue from your mouth."

"In the end it's all about image," he called after her, ignoring her threat. "His kind. Heroes. Big men who think they're the only ones who can change the world."

She stopped, but kept her back on the man.

"When the cowl comes off in the morning, he doesn't want to play with a thief who dresses like a dominatrix, his sort wants a wife in floral and pearls."

Selina turned on him. "All men want the dominatrix, Ed."

"Not the good ones. Not the Batmen of the world, kitten. Could you imagine how hard his reputation would take beating if he ever publicly announced any kind of tender intentions towards you? You're no Joker, my dear, but you're certainly not his level of Sainthood. You are just as dirty as the rest of us."

Standing for a moment, unsure what to say, she scoffed again. "What about you, Eddie? You're supposedly 'good' now, do you yearn for the floral and pearls or the dominatrix?"

He smiled broadly. "It doesn't matter what I want, Selina dear. This is a study in you and The Bat."

Sighing deeply, Selina looked up at the sky. "I'm cold, Ed, and it's almost midnight."

"Your place or mine?" He asked.

She narrowed her eyes in disgust. "I'm not that desperate yet."

Sweeping his hands out in an innocent gesture, Eddie beamed. "Why, kitten, I meant for a nice Christmas meal of scotch and…little cheesy fish shaped crackers…I think I have some of those…"

Turning away from him to hide the smile that came to her face, Selina sighed. "Merry Christmas, Eddie."

"Feliz Navidad, kitten." He returned softly.

v

v

v

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**Footnote(s)**

*I see, I know.


	2. New Year's

_**~*New Year's*~**_

Above Gotham City Hall, the alabaster ball was about to drop and Selina Kyle wanted to throat punch someone. Anyone.

Around her, sickly happy people gathered in couples and groups, drunker than happy hour at the Iceberg, singing and laughing along with the band playing on the stage. Showing brotherly love and camaraderie, before slinking back to their stinking, festering lives for the rest of the year.

She may have still been in a bad mood from Christmas...

Snow was falling softly on Gotham, but the idiots still congregated at the base of the stupid light show, waiting for a new year, expecting it to be better than the last.

Shoving her hands into the pockets of her heavy black peacoat, Selina sighed as yet another couple bumped into her on their way out of the area, lips locked together like they were born that way.

She had just come from the Iceberg, where it was the same, couples, groups, people with friends and lovers, happy and useless.

_So why are you even here, Selina?_ She asked herself.

"I sincerely hope someone from the old Arkham crowd breaks up the mood tonight," someone said from her right. "It's so…_unnecessarily _festive. Do you know the statistics of accidental conception on New Years? It's nearly astronomical..."

Selina sighed deeply. "Oh, hell no," she glanced over at Eddie who stood beside her, hands in the pockets of his own dark coat. "I'm not spending another holiday with you." She snarled.

Eddie chuckled. "Now, Selina dear, you technically didn't spend the last one with me."

"Still, I'm not putting up with you again." She replied, making to move off through the crowds.

The Riddler stopped her, hooking his cane around Selina's arm and holding her still beside him. "Be nice, kitten. No need for the claws tonight."

"Luckily for you I left them at home, Ed." She replied coolly, elbowing him to release her.

He grunted, but consented, cane returning to the ground, his left hand gripping it casually.

Eddie turned his eyes from the stage to her. "Jasmine?"

"What?"

"Your hair product. Jasmine, right?"

Sighing, she fought the urge to grit her teeth. "What are you doing?"

"Making conversation. This is how mere mortals converse, is it not?" His eyes twinkled in the light of the stage.

"You're not a God, Ed. You can say 'we' and it doesn't make you any less brilliant." She pointed out.

"God? No." He remarked eyeing a amorous couple at their side. "Homo Novus, perhaps..."

"You're no better than anyone else." She snarled.

"Why, Selina dear, sounds like you're having a rough night. Does this have anything to do with some residual rage from Christmas?"

She ignored him, eyeing the giant digital clock that lorded over the whole ceremony three minutes and some seconds until the new year.

"I'm not kissing you at midnight." She stated firmly. "If that's what you're trying to weasel out of me."

"I had no intentions of forcing myself upon you, Selina dear," he said. "All things considered, I'm rather fond of living."

"Then why are you forcing me to stay here with you?" She asked.

Eddie chuckled again. "Logically, in a fight, Selina, I couldn't hold a candle to you. Therefore, if you really wanted, you could leave at any time."

She made to leave, only to have him pull her back with his cane. Selina pursed her lips, hiding the playful smile there. She did like a challenge. Glancing at the clock she noted it was two minutes and forty-three seconds to go as she once more abused him to release her.

"Incidentally, how was your Christmas?" Eddie asked conversationally, rubbing the shoulder she assaulted. "Did you get everything you wanted?"

"And then some," she replied in a tone that was completely flat.

"I got a nice big fat rent due," he replied.

Not a fan of having anyone see her smile, Selina turned her head, pretending to study the crowds around them, hiding her smile from the Riddler.

"It was very thoughtful of my landlord. The beastly Cro-Magnon really knows how to touch a man's heart." He frowned at the stage. "I must admit, this honest living is somewhat of a vexation. It was easier back in the days of Riddler. I didn't owe anyone anything...except maybe a certain Dark Knight a nice, cold grave..."

At his tone, she glanced over and found him glowering at the back of a Gothamite in front of them, hand to his chin.

He smiled then. "But then again, in those days you didn't pay for heat and you didn't get heat. That is a lovely luxury we bill payers are afforded." Sighing wistfully, he touched his cane to the brim of his hat and pushed it up a little. "Ah, but those days are over."

"Are you so sure?"

With a wag of his finger, he went on. "There are more important things to life than dropping a Bat, my dear."

"Go on."

The grin on his elfish face faltered as though he wasn't expecting her to urge him on. "Well, there's freedom. If I never see the inside of an Arkham cell again, it will be all too soon. There's music and art and poetry and love. All this without having to look over my shoulder every two minutes."

"Speaking of floral and pearls..." she teased. "Is there a little woman in the future for you, Ed?"

"No." He said. "I've dealt with Harley, Ivy and yourself long enough to know to steer clear of your sex."

"So? Little man, then?"

Quirking an elegant brow, he angled his head to face her, eyeing her with sharp blue eyes. "You're the third person in as many months to make that suggestion."

"Eddie, you're..." she waved her hand. "Never mind."

By the time Selina composed herself she found the clock read one minute and thirteen seconds. Beside her Eddie was eyeing it as well.

"Ah," he said after a moment, "I have something for you."

Selina watched with slight horror as Eddie reached into his coat pocket and drew out a long, flat box.

"It's late for Christmas, but better late than never." He said holding it out to her.

She eyed the gift. "What do you want?"

He wiggled the present a little, eyeing it with mild confusion. "It's a present, Lina. Something one gives to another in an effort to build a relationship."

Selina cringed a little when she said, "sorry, Eddie. I won't take it." She supposed it was because the sentiment was actually endearing in an odd way. Sometimes she thought of Eddie as a little boy still, needing, wanting attention and affection. It was partly why she was never as cruel to him as she could be, because he was just too vulnerable at times. Sure, he was a dangerous criminal, but he never seemed like one to her.

Beside her the Riddler quirked a brow, it rose and fell so fast Selina almost missed it. "Ah."

"It's not you, Ed. I don't take gifts from men who I have no interest in." She explained simply.

The look in his boyish blue eyes almost made her turn and leave him just to escape it, then he smiled to cover the look and lowered the gift wielding hand. "Well, I can see why you would enforce that rule. It seems to be working out for you." He said smoothly. "No insistent men beating down your door thinking they have a chance."

"It just seems to encourage them." She added.

He nodded. "It would. Indeed."

The clock was at thirty-three seconds.

Beside her Eddie was silent.

_You should have just taken the damned gift_, she scolded herself. _How often does Edward Nygma give gifts?_ Then a thought struck her. If he was so damned smart…

Sometimes she forgot just how manipulative Edward Nygma could be.

Beside her Eddie studied the clock with a twinkle in his eye, gift still in hand, dangling limp at his side.

"You knew I wouldn't accept the gift," she accused, her ire rising.

He smirked. "My dear, I have no idea what you mean."

"Then why-"

"Ten!"

"I'm going to punch that smirk right off your face," she threatened.

"Seven!"

"Think you could sucker me into a pity kiss at midnight…" she went on.

"Five!"

"I bet that stupid box is empty."

"Three!"

"It's not." He replied.

She glowered at him and made for the box he now held away from her playfully.

"One! Happy New Year!"

Around them people fell into song as others embraced and kissed.

Selina, her curiosity and rage in full swing, leaned in close to Eddie, pursing her lips. As she did this her left hand curled around the gift, her right curled into a fist.

She left him in the middle of the crowd, holding his gut, the gift in her hand.

Three steps from him, she paused and turned, realizing he had tricked her into taking the gift from him.

The area where he stood was filled with lovers embracing, the Riddler was gone, having hobbled his body away to whatever hole it was he came from.

Turning sharply on her heel, she stormed away from the celebration, her swag in hand.


	3. St Valentine's Day

_**To thirteen_riot, thank you for the review and the enthusiasm. Yes, there will be more, there's twelve chapters. I'm thinking I'll try to update every three days. Suspense is a good thing. **_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*St. Valentine's Day*~<strong>_

She was in abject misery.

Everywhere ached.

It wasn't some grand battle or fall that took her out, but a killer bout of the flu.

Harley buzzed around her bedside, feeding her hot chicken noodle soup with crackers and ice cold water, chatting away a mile a minute. Selina appreciated the concern the blonde showed her, but really it only distracted her from feeling sorry for herself.

The blonde, wearing a crooked nurses cap and white button up dress that clearly wasn't regulation for any nurse Selina had ever met, fluffed her pillow for the third time that hour, while behind her Professor Crane read the thermometer he had plucked from Catwoman's lips. She wasn't sure why he was there. Crane had shown up with Harley, hands pocketed sullenly, face drawn and grim.

"Ninety-nine," he said, pinning her with an icy look over his classy silver framed glasses. "If it gets any higher we'll have to take you to the hospital."

Selina groaned. "Just leave me here to die, Doc."

Placing her hands on her hips, Harley frowned. "Lina, that's no way to think! Ya ain't dyin' on my watch!"

"Doc, take Nurse Ratchett when you go." Selina moaned weakly.

Crane tilted his head. "Must I? I didn't even want to be dragged here by her in the first place..." he muttered.

"Why _are_ you here, Crane?" Selina asked.

Pale eyes gave her an icy warning glare, but he chose to ignore her.

The two lingered around her bed, Harley pushing the limits of guest, Crane fiddling around with the bottles of flu medication she had laid out on her bedside table.

Snuffling, she reached for her nasal decongestant, but found it yanked out of her grasp.

"Selina dear, you can't take this with your chest decongestant," he said.

She growled pathetically. "Give me the drugs, Doc."

Crane leaned down, hovering over her. "Would you rather I euthanize you?" It was an honest offer, if Selina knew the Scarecrow, he wouldn't hesitate to hold the pillow over her face and watch her struggle to breathe with shining eyes.

"Would you? Thanks." She replied.

"Jonny, let's leave and let Lina get some sleep," Harley ordered.

On their way out Selina could hear Crane snarl, 'I really hate when you call me that'.

"And no funny business on my couch!" She shouted after them. It seemed a safe warning to give. After all, there had to be some reason why Crane was following Harley around. He wasn't one for social interactions unless he was getting something out of them. Not sure just what he was getting from the blonde, Selina decided to just cover the basics. Those two could be up to anything if she knew them at all. Especially with Harley trying to move on from her 'puddin'. The bold blonde seemed just crazy enough to try something with Crane.

* * *

><p>Through the haze of her half awake mind, Selina could sense something was off.<p>

At the foot of her bed Miss Kitty tensed as well.

Opening her eyes to the suddenly dark night time world of her bedroom, she registered a form hovering over her and in self preservation mode, lashed out, kicking at them with her left foot.

Her attacker caught her foot and immediately pressed a gloved hand over her mouth.

"Quiet, kitten. You wake Doctor Kevorkian and Nurse Ratchett and they'll be in here. Do you really want that?" Eddie warned, dropping his hand from her mouth. His other hand still lightly grasping Selina's bare leg just behind the knee, shining eyes bright in the near darkness. She could have sworn his thumb was rubbing a butterfly light circle over her heated flesh, but it could have just been delirium.

In the darkness, she noticed he was wearing a surgical mask over his face and smirked.

Selina, with no real energy to fight, flopped back onto the bed. "Funny, I call her Nurse Ratchett too."

The Riddler's eyes twinkled down at her, releasing her leg and tucking it back under the covers of her bed, his hand giving Miss Kitty a courtesy stroke to calm her as well.

"How'd you get in here?" She demanded.

"I picked the lock on your door," he explained simply, flicking his fingers to send the fur that clung to his glove wafting out into the air. "Crept past Bonnie and Clyde, and here I am. Oh, the cleverness of me."

"Save it, Peter Pan, I'm not impressed. And if you're here to kill me I won't stop you," she mumbled. "Just get it over with."

He chuckled, tossing his fedora onto the lamp by her bed and removing his jacket, draping it on the back of the chair, before easing down. The glove that was covering her mouth was removed, set aside on her bedside table and replaced by a new one pulled out of his inner jacket pocket.

"Word on the street is you're on your deathbed," he said.

"Ngh."

"Flu or cat scratch fever?"

"Leave the bad jokes to the Joker, Ed." She growled. "And if you're not here to kill me, get out."

"I'd like to see you make me."

Taking the challenge, Selina found with no strength, Eddie easily pushed her back into the bed. Flopping back, she glowered at him. "Try that when I have my strength back and I'll lay you out." She snarled. "What do you want?"

He reached for his jacket, pulling out a book of crosswords. "I brought you something to keep your mind occupied while you recuperate."

"Ugh," she grunted, pushing the book away from her. She already had a killer sinus headache, doing a crossword puzzle of his choice would probably explode her brain.

Shrugging, Eddie settled back into the chair, pulling a pen out and flipping open the book.

After a few minutes of silence, Selina rolled her head over to one side to eye the man in the green suit who sat so comfortably by her bed.

He quietly filled in his crossword, right leg crossed over his left leg to give him a table to work on.

She studied him. The errant lock of red wine hair that draped down over the left side of his face from where his widow's peak displaced it, the sharp, patrician bridge of his nose creating a sage green mountain out of the surgical mask, the sharp clarity of his blue eyes as he was deep in thought. It almost made him look like a predator.

"Why are you here, Eddie?" She asked.

He glanced up from the crossword. "I brought you something to keep you busy."

She shook her head. "I mean, why are you _still _here?"

His graceful eyebrows rose to his hairline. "I'm sorry, kitten. Do you want me to leave?"

Sighing, Selina pressed herself deeper into her cocoon of blankets and pillows. "I'm too sick to play your games tonight."

His eyes twinkled. "Games? No games, only crosswords. And I can assure you, I take those very seriously."

"Eddie," she growled.

"What's a six letter word for socially awkward?" He asked, turning back to the crossword. "Starts with 'G'."

Selina sighed. "Why are you asking me, Eddie. You know what it is."

"Ends with 'E'." He went on.

"Eddie." Selina's tone brooked no further games.

The Riddler set the book down, closing it on his finger to mark his page and leaned across the distance to motion to the pendant at her throat, hand a hair's breadth from her throat. "I must say you wear my gift well."

Sneering, Selina rolled over, out of his reach. "I'm not wearing it for your benefit, Ed." She replied. Truth was she had become so accustomed to wearing the delicate silver and lapis lazuli cat pendant, that she had even forgot she had it on. She assumed Eddie had made the purchase merely because the cat's tail was curled into a question mark. When she had opened his gift after New Year's, she was so impressed that he had dropped some amount of coin and thought into it, that she put the pendant on without feeling anything a woman usually felt when wearing a gift of jewellery from a man. She really didn't care who gave it to her, she just liked the pendant.

"The cheap trinket was worth less than nothing at the hock shop," she added almost sullenly. "I would have had to pay them to take it off my hands."

"So you decided to wear it instead?" He inquired.

Glowering at him, she refused to answer.

Touching a finger to his mask, he quirked an eyebrow. "The woman who steals thousands of dollars in shiny baubles is wearing a _cheap trinket_ around her neck?"

"I like the cat." She snarled.

"You're off your game tonight." He shot back almost accusingly, finger pointed at her, body leaning forward.

"I'm sick."

"I can tell."

Sniffling, she flopped onto her side and studied him with sleepy eyes. "No date tonight?"

Without looking up from the crosswords he had returned to, he spoke. "You're being very droll, my dear. Now go back to sleep."

Poking his knee with her finger, she scowled. "So, what? You're going to sit there all night?"

"I'm thinking I'll retire around four." Looking up he gazed at her, once more placing his finger in the book of crosswords to mark his place. "I'm a night owl, you see."

"You sit there all night and people will talk." She warned.

Eddie sat back in his seat and opened the book once more, pen at ready. "Gauche."

"What?"

"The word, Lina, socially awkward. Gauche."

Snuggling into her bed, she wriggled to get comfy. "Shut up, Eddie. I'm trying to sleep."

After a minute or so, she cracked one eye open and glared at him.

"It's really hard trying to sleep with you sitting there." She stated.

Looking up from his book, he furrowed his brow in thought. "Would you feel better if I got into bed with you?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Not at the moment, no. I have no milk of human kindness for the influenza virus. Ask me again when you're feeling better."

"Never going to happen. But if you stick around, I will thrust my tongue down your throat."

"I think I'll take my chances." Removing his clean glove and replacing it with the sullied one, he reached out and touched a hand to her forehead. "Sleep."

As he rubbed her temple idly, free hand returning to the crossword puzzle, she sighed. It was a nice feeling.

"You're a freak, Ed." She muttered.

He pulled his hand away.

"I didn't say stop." She ordered.


	4. St Patrick's Day

_**To ninjapoke, your review was very kind. Yes, Eddie is a freak. A loveable, egocentric freak. I just want to climb him and ride on his back like a koala or some form of sloth. Too much information? Probably.**_

_**~*St. Patrick's Day*~**_

It had been a girl's night out for Selina, Ivy and Harley.

They decided the night was for drinking and dancing, mostly the former and the latter only very badly (and after plying themselves with a multitude of the former).

At the Iceberg most of the villains (the ones who weren't up to something), had congregated to drink and celebrate (at least the more social ones).

Despite it being a girl's night, Selina was scanning the crowds for a conquest. She had an itch that needed scratching and hadn't had it scratched since late January.

The crowd was a good mix, the sort usually found at the Iceberg.

She had just manoeuvred a fine young university boy into a back booth alone as a prelude to a night of wild, drunken sex. Pressed against his young, firm body, purring seductively in his ear all the things she'd do to him if they had the time alone when a gangly form slumped into the booth opposite them, setting their green bowler onto the table.

"Hello, kitten." Eddie greeted, ignoring the boy with her. "I'm sorry the alimony was late this month. How are the children?"

Like most college boys, the young man at her side made a hasty exit at the word 'children', not even giving her time to protest.

When she realized what happened, she quirked her brow at the green clad imp across from her. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't maim you, Eddie."

"What? The boy? Please, Lina, he's a little young for you, don't you think?" Eddie smirked, tilting his chin down, looking at her insolently.

Sighing, she glanced out over the club, to where Ivy was currently putting the chill on a couple of eager men. "I wasn't planning on keeping him, just playing with him."

"Ah, kitty needs a petting." He chuckled.

"Why me, Ed? There's over five hundred thousand women in Gotham you could be pestering tonight."

Adjusting his gloves, the Riddler nodded. "True, but none of them would be half as fun."

Selina looked over at him, resting her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Or half as interesting." He added.

Selina continued to remain silent, passively staring at him while bouncing the foot of the leg she had crossed demurely over the other.

A wicked look fluttered across Eddie's puckish features, before he smiled. "Not playing tonight, are we? Shame…I do so enjoy our little chats."

She tilted her head.

Blue eyes danced across the club, before coming back to her. "Well, I'm just going to have to sit here all night with you, chasing away the toms, then."

A waitress came over with Selina's martini and set it down.

Taking hold of the skewered olive, not taking her eyes from the Riddler's, Selina popped the salty green thing into her mouth and chewed it politely. The skewer wound up imbedded in the back of Eddie's hand.

"Ow!" He yelped, pulling his hands off the table, plucking the skewer from the wounded one. "Bad kitty!" Shaking his hand, he paused to look at it, sucking air in through his teeth. "Ah, it's deep!"

Selina took a calm sip of her martini and quirked a brow. "Let that be a lesson, Ed. I hate having my night ruined for someone else's entertainment."

Peeling off his glove, Eddie pulled a small plastic first aid kit from his inner jacket pocket and began tending to his wound sullenly.

"What? Not playing tonight?" She taunted.

"I told Ozzie he really needs to keep the riff-raff out of the club," Ivy purred from the tableside where she stood with Harley, both girls on opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to seeing Eddie. Ivy looked hostile, Harley looked happy.

Pulling a small bandage over his sixteenth-of-an-inch sized wound, Eddie furrowed his brow. "Ivy, you really know how to kick a man when's he down."

"I would love nothing more," she returned. "But you can leave at anytime."

"Pammie, he's not botherin' anyone," Harley objected, beaming happily at him. "Hiya, Mistah E!"

Replacing his glove, Eddie tilted his head ever so. "Harley, it's good to see that some of us can be civilized human beings."

While Ivy and Eddie had it out in their cutting, dry way, Selina studied the Riddler, her hand moving to toy with the pendant at her throat. No one had asked about it, so she didn't have to tell any lies about how she came in possession of it. She was beginning to hesitate over whether she would lie about it or not. After all, it wasn't like she liked Eddie in any romantic way, at the very least it could be called a gift between two old…friends? They had to be friends. Not that she would put any real trust in him. Well, she might give him a little trust now that he was trying to walk the straight and narrow. Before, however, she knew him to have very flexible loyalties. Loyalties that he would break in an instant for whatever he wanted.

Still, he was trying very hard to behave and that alone gave her some hope. After all, someone needed redemption in Gotham and she had to admit she didn't know much about Eddie, but she would rather it be a man like him, than someone like the Joker who did it mostly for the fun of watching someone die.

In a battle of words, Eddie was in his element and it wasn't long until Ivy resorted to force, wrapping a slender hand around his wrist and bending it.

Selina stepped in. "Ivy, not tonight." She warned, pushing to her feet, moving the two woman with her away from the table. "See you around, Eddie." She called over her shoulder.

"Beware of willing Trojans, Lina." He returned.

She paused, glancing over her shoulder curiously at him.

Eddie smirked and pulled his bowler low over his eyes, before wandering off towards the far end of the bar to drink alone.

Sitting at the bar between Harley and Ivy, Selina ordered another martini.

For a moment all three women were silent.

"You know, Lina," Ivy began slyly. "I can't help but notice Eddie's been sniffing around you a lot lately. Harley said he even spent most of Valentine's night with you."

"I was sick." Selina objected. "He kept me company. Besides, did Harley mention she wasn't alone on Valentine's Day either?"

At the red head's sharp glare, the blonde beamed. "It wasn't a date or anythin'. It was business."

"Knowing him it was probably a social experiment." Selina replied.

Flushing a little, Harley pointed a finger at Selina. "Her 'n Mistah E were alone in her bedroom with the door closed," Harley added. "I heard zoo noises."

"You heard nothing of the sort," Selina stated. "Besides, I was mucus-y and full of phlegm." She went on firmly. "Hardly sexy times."

"I have to say, Lina," Ivy began slowly. "Edward Nygma in your bedroom at night while you're sick…seems awfully suspicious."

"Meaning?" She demanded.

"Meanin', either he's gettin' somethin' from ya or yer bein' courted." Harley pointed out with a giggle.

"Courted, Har? This isn't the wild west and I'm not an old school marm. And has it ever occurred to the two of you, that he's just bored and looking for someone to annoy?"

The two women blinked back at her as though she just announced she was Batman.

"You're right," Ivy said turning to Harley. "She's sleeping with the geek."

Deciding to play their game, Selina raised a shoulder to Pam, posing like a classic pin-up girl. "Yes, Pam, I'm sleeping with the Riddler. And it's _good_."

Scowling into her drink, Pam sighed. "Let's not get carried away, Lina."

Wanting to push the limits to make Ivy uncomfortable, she went on. "Oh, I have all kinds of orgasms."

They stopped short when Selina noticed Ozzie standing behind the bar before them. He puffed once, twice on his cigarette, before plucking it out of his lips. "Go on." He urged.

"How about another round, Ozzie?" Ivy asked.

The Penguin beamed at them, before waddling off.

Laughing boisterously, Harley broke in, "I think Mistah E's sexy."

Both Selina and Ivy turned from their game to look at the blonde.

"What? He's tall, lean, well dressed and well groomed. Plus I got it on good authority that he's a good kissa."

An image, the ghost of a memory from Rome wafted into Selina's mind. Of course she had to kick his ass afterwards, but was it really his fault? She was the one who woke up with her lips against his…

"Who said that?" Ivy demanded.

Harley smirked. "I can't reveal my sources."

"Bullshit." The red head returned coolly.

"Bull true!" The blonde defended her gossip.

"Eddie is good at crosswords and puzzles, that's pretty much all he's good at."

"I betcha a hundred dollas, my sources are right!" Harley challenged.

Ivy smirked, her eyes searching the club for the Riddler. As they landed on him, nursing a drink at the far end of the bar, they sparked green fire. "I'm sorry, I just don't see it. Besides how do you go about proving it?"

Harley giggled. "Well, Selina's impartial, have her kiss Eddie and tell us what she thinks."

"I'm not kissing the Riddler," Selina snarled. "It's demeaning to the both of us. Especially me."

Pushing off her stool, Pam straightened her dress primly. "Be right back."

After watching the red head move off through the crowds, Selina turned back to Harley. "You kissed Eddie, didn't you?"

"Little bit."

"How'd you manage that?"

She shrugged. "He was drunk and I was willing."

* * *

><p>It was one o'clock when the crowd began to thin.<p>

Harley had gone home and Ivy was chasing every man who came near Selina off into the arms of other women, but had eventually got distracted by an arrogant, off-handed comment by Harvey Dent (what he was doing at the Iceberg now that he was 'reformed' was beyond her).

As Ivy argued, Selina took the time to locate Eddie.

He was still at the end of the bar, a book of crosswords on the mahogany top before him.

Deciding he annoyed her enough for payback, she pushed to her feet, making her way towards him, slinking through the thinning crowds.

"Most people come to a nightclub to socialize, Ed." She purred, slipping onto the stool beside him, turning so that her knee brushed his hip as she crossed her legs demurely.

He gave her a glance, before turning his attention back to the crossword puzzle. "Is that a written rule? Because, if so, they should really post them clearly at the door."

Reaching over, she took the book away, sliding it close to her.

Eddie looked up and over at her, eyes taking her entire form in as though just seeing her.

"Walk me home." She ordered.

He furrowed his brow at her tone.

* * *

><p>They wandered through Gotham, Selina moving with her cat-like grace, despite being drunk enough to be in Eddie's presence willingly, Eddie moving with the usual bounce to his step about two or three steps behind her, hands in his pockets, cane hung around his forearm.<p>

She had always liked his walk, it was springy and youthful, belied the darkness that could easily wash over him.

However, despite his brilliance and his walk, the man was quite boring. He had no fire, no passion. Harvey had passion back in the day, Jack had passion, hell even Ozzie had a hellfire brewing in his belly, but Eddie had always been sort of dull. The only thing that made his eyes spark fire were those damned puzzles of his.

Thinking of this and eyeing the man's profile in the fleeting moments under the blue hued streetlights as she slowed to allow him to catch up, caused this urge in her to want to see Eddie's intense gaze on her. To be pinned underneath him, to be the source of his passion. Of course this was merely drunk thinking.

But still, she thought, what kind of lover would he be? Surely with his ego he'd be selfish, seeking his own completion and leaving it at that. But then again, he was honestly one of the least threatening of the rogues. Maybe this translated into a thoughtful lover? His genius would make him fast to catch on, clever when it came to reading her reactions. He would splay his hands over her thighs and read her soft moan as a go ahead, sliding those long, dextrous fingers up and around…

Selina broke out of her thoughts when she noticed Eddie's sharp blue eyes on her, studying her with a gaze that could cut glass, not quite that fiery look, but close.

Eddie always wore those gloves of his. Would he wear them in bed? She wondered, her mind overpowering the urge to feel abashed under his gaze. These thoughts plagued her right up until they reached the door into her apartment.

Standing in front of her door, at a moment when most women would be locking lips with a man after such a night, Selina sighed. "How old are you, Eddie?"

He tilted his head in response.

"Forty?" She guessed.

"Two years older than you, kitten."

Selina narrowed her eyes at him. "How do you know how old I am?"

"Because I stalk you in my off-time." He replied, a little too simply. The devilish smirk that pulled his lips up a little further in the right corner was the only tell that he was joking.

For a moment Selina played with the idea of letting Eddie scratch her itch. It didn't have to mean anything and he was male and there. He wasn't grossly unattractive - _hell, Selina, the man's good looking_- and she believed that with his lack of sexual activity he would be disease free. Who needed to know she slept with the Riddler? It could just be a thing. Though he'd probably read too much into it. And her reputation would take one hell of a shit kicking if anyone found out.

She may have been a little more drunk than she assumed upon leaving the Iceberg, when suddenly sleeping with Edward Nygma seemed like a good idea.

Still, she wrapped a hand around Eddie's purple tie and purred. "You know, Ed, you still owe me for ruining my night."

He chuckled calmly, tilting her head up with his cane handle under her chin. "I'm going to have an infection set in, because you skewered my hand, Selina. I'd say we're even."

Looking at the gloved hand that held the cane to her chin, she pursed her lips. "I'm still going to bed alone."

For a second Selina could have sworn his blue eyes sparked electric, before becoming a warm cornflower. "Goodnight, Selina."


	5. April Fool's Day

_**~*April Fool's Day*~**_

Her shoulder ached.

Wildcat had really given her a workout, and in doing so she had wrenched her shoulder in a way that made it stiff and sore. Handling the fine crystal champagne flute with her good arm, she made her way back to the table where Harley, Crane and Ivy sat. The red head glaring daggers at Crane, who calmly studied the dancers on the ballroom floor with an unflinching gaze.

It had taken a lot of make up to cover Selina's bruises for Bruce Wayne's third annual Fool's Day Masquerade, but it was worth it. Expensive diamonds sparkled at every ladies wrist and throat, making her practically drool at the thought that if she was careful enough she could leave with enough ice to give Fries a heart attack.

Behind her gold lioness mask, she smirked darkly, easing down across from Harley and Ivy.

"Who knew the rich could throw such a good shindig," Harley blurted, pushing her theatrical comedy mask up.

Crane, who had already set aside his tragedy mask with disdain, sighed. "Sometimes I find it hard to believe you're as educated as myself, Harleen."

Harley giggled madly. "Yeah, ain't it a kick in the teeth?"

"Case and point," Crane muttered.

Selina figured that Harley must have forced Crane to rent or buy a new tux, as this one fit him very nicely. It filled out his normally rail thin frame and didn't hang about him like those god-awful tweed suits of his did. And by how miserable he looked, she figured Harley must have forced him to bring her. As the normally anti-social purveyor of fear fidgeted and scowled for most of the night, looking like he was absolutely miserable.

She still couldn't quite grasp the fact that it had come to be Harley and Crane, the two were polar opposites. But with The Joker AWOL and Harley trying to kick the 'Mistah J' habit, Selina found herself supporting it. It might actually be healthy for the both of them. Of course, she did worry that if Jack ever returned, just what sort of mayhem he'd cause over discovering this newly formed partnership. After all, he didn't want Harley (at least not by the way he treated her), but he certainly wouldn't allow anyone else to have her.

"So, who do you think's going to ruin the night this time?" Ivy asked casually.

"Considerin' that our kind is a dyin' breed," Harley began. "I'd have to say Killa Croc."

"With all the diamonds flashing around tonight, my money's on Fries." Crane stated, looking at the woman dancing about with disgust. "Useless rocks."

"What about that new punk? What's her name?"

"Arsenic." Ivy said. "And I doubt that, newbies tend to stick to bank heists and Batman, not petty theft. Besides, if that bitch is smart enough, she'll know to stay clear of me. I heard she ruined a whole cornfield just to write a message to Batman. If she comes anywhere near me I'll scratch her bald headed."

"Cornfield…" Harley said. "Jonny, what do ya think of the name Maize?"

"I hope to Goddess you're not naming something that's going to fall out of you." Ivy growled.

Harley laughed hard. "No! But now that Jonny and I are partnas, I've been thinkin' of changin' my name."

"Please, Harleen, Jonathan or Professor Crane, _not _Jonny." Crane whispered harshly from the side of his mouth. "And we're not parters, you just seem to assume we are."

Selina laughed softly as Harley turned her big blue eyes on Crane, effectively silencing his complaint.

"Take me dancin', Professa." Harley cooed.

Watching as the blonde grabbed hold of Crane and pulled him onto the ballroom dance floor, gave Selina a good feeling. She loved Harley like a sister and seeing her with someone who (while crazy as a fox) wasn't Joker level crazy, felt good. Despite the fact that he was reserved and cold, Crane might be good for her. At least he seemed attentive, after all Selina knew Crane could be stubborn as a mule, so even allowing Harley to force him to the ball was a good sign. Even if he did grumble and gripe all night.

* * *

><p>After dancing with several of the men (many of whom were far too classy to outright suggest they retire early, but not classy enough to not ogle her boldly), Selina wandered off from the crowds, searching for a place to rest where no male of any sort would go.<p>

Sitting on a cold stone bench in the vast garden of Wayne Manor, Selina exhaled.

Around her the night time air was crisp, tainted by the faint sound of the gala that wafted out across the green shrubs and statuary.

"I would imagine you could fold that dress and store it in a wallet."

Violet eyes narrowed as Selina immediately placed the voice, despite the horrid Japanese kabuki mask the man wore. "Eddie," she greeted coolly. "It's floor length." She defended.

The Riddler pushed the mask up into his red wine hair and smirked, easing down onto the bench beside her. "Ah, but it's such a fine black silk. Practically non-existent."

"I didn't hear anyone else complain," she replied.

"I'm not complaining and you didn't stick around to hear the wives of the men you danced with." He stated.

Noticing the sky was actually dark enough to see the stars, Selina fell silent, studying the night sky. It was never so beautiful in the city where the light pollution faded out the merry twinkles. Beside her Eddie did the same, actually managing to keep his mouth shut long enough for Selina to enjoy the solitude.

Finally she turned to him. "I swear to God, Eddie. If you're actually stalking me-"

He chuckled. "Please, kitten, I'm here on business. Stalking you is just a hobby I reserve for weekends and holidays."

"Today is a holiday, Ed."

For a moment, Eddie was silent, before his brow furrowed. "Is it?" He teased.

"Well, not much of one."

"Ah, well, you're in luck. Faced with this new intelligence, I'm forced to pick work over pleasure for tonight, then."

"Stalking another woman?" Selina asked.

"Jealous?" He returned, the cat-like smirk of his giving him a serene, almost puckish look.

Staring up, she eyed the moon, holding her shoulders to ward off the cold.

At her side Eddie was quiet, breaking a streak she was certain he had never broken in her presence.

"You really need to let me in on this game you're playing with me, Ed." She said softly. "I hate feeling like your chew toy." Turning to look at him, she found him pondering the sky, hand to his chin. "You're bored, aren't you?"

"Mind numbingly, my dear." He admitted. "These cases aren't proving to be as intellectually stimualting as I had hoped." He pointed to a cluster of stars. "Look! How fortuitous! You can actually see Saturn tonight!"

She looked up but saw nothing but stars.

Seeing her confusion, he leaned in and pointed to a very bright point of light.

"In Roman mythology Saturn devoured all his children, save one." He explained.

"Jupiter." She supplied. "Saturn's wife Ops hide the child and gave her husband rocks in swaddling clothes to eat instead."

Eddie beamed. "I don't know why I continue to assume you're one of these dense Gothamites, my dear."

Studying the profile of his face in the faint light, he was still close to her from where he had leaned to point out the planet. His left hand was behind her on the bench, propping him up, his other holding his cane out before them, pointing at the sky.

"You don't do anything without a purpose, do you, Eddie?" She asked.

His nose nearly bumped hers as he turned to face her. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Have you accounted for all variables in this game?" She inquired. "Do you know exactly what I'm going to do next?"

"I'm beginning to think you may be mad, my dear." He said.

Selina almost had the urge to push him off the bench. Not hard - which was strange - but almost playfully.

She did just that, catching him unawares.

Landing hard on the ground, his long left leg still propped up on the bench, Eddie pushed his crooked mask back up to where it previously rested among his thick hair and laughed. He was the only man she knew who laughed when she beat on him. It wasn't even a mocking laugh, but one of pure amusement.

Whoever first designed the cut of a tuxedo should have been rewarded greatly, because even on Eddie's lean frame, the black and white outfit was phenomenal. Giving her dress an unladylike hitch to draw the hem above her knees, she pounced, landing on him so that she straddled his narrow waist.

"Did you figure that into your plans, Ed?"

"Well, no, I must admit, this is a pleasant surprise."

Selina purred, her well manicured nails digging into the front of his pressed white dress shirt as she gripped it. "Sometimes I just want to bite you, Ed."

Well, she came this far, she figured she should at least bite him or kiss him.

"Harley," Crane's low, Brandywine rich voice cut through the darkness. "Stop pulling so hard."

"I wanna see the stars!"

Both Selina and Eddie stilled, the violet eyed Catwoman sitting up a little straighter on the blue eyed Riddler for fear of being caught.

_Oh God_, she thought, _how did I get here?_

Beneath her, Eddie propped himself up on his elbows, shifting his lithe body so that it was closer to her, his chest pressing against hers with every exhale the woman took.

"Jonny, yer hands are cold." Harley chirped, giggling madly.

"Don't be fooled by them, my dear," Crane purred softly, almost inaudibly, "it doesn't mean I have a warm heart."

They were somewhere nearby and getting closer by the sounds of it.

Selina panicked, if Harley found her here, like this, with the Riddler. _Oh God, the shame! Why did you pounce, Selina?_ She demanded. _Why? Why? Why?_ As she panicked, Eddie was reaching for a nearby rock out of the rock garden near their head.

He calmly tossed it away from them, where it made a sploosh into what Selina figured must have been a pond.

"Jonny!"

"It's just one of Wayne's pompous koi in the pond, Harleen." Crane replied. "Haven't I told you that with me you shouldn't fear anything? I wouldn't allow it."

For a moment Selina thought she saw contented joy dancing in the sparkle of Eddie's eyes, before he raised his defences.

"Even dandelions?" Harley asked playfully. "Because I'm terrified of yellow flowers. But dandelions shouldn't count, because they're technically a weed. Right?"

"I don't think you'd find many dandelions in this garden, love." Crane replied.

Harley giggled.

Beneath her, Eddie shifted, raising his hand to tuck Selina's long, dark hair behind her ear, out of his face. She scowled at him.

"I'm cold, let's get our coats and go back to the lair. You can warm me up bestest there."

After a moment of silence, Selina cautiously poked her head up over the bench, before pushing hard against Eddie's chest to get up.

In the distance, they heard the last of the two, with Crane complaining. "_Bestest _is hardly a word, Harleen."

Brushing herself off, Selina eyed the man at her side warily from the corner of her eye as she brushed her dark hair back with a sweep of her hand. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"Selina."

They both turned and marched off in opposite directions.


	6. Easter

_**To Robot521, your review was lovely, I'm glad you think it's well written and that they're in character (I tend to fret over that most of all). Yes, my love for this pairing may have been birthed during Catwoman: When In Rome, but Gotham City Sirens certainly helped. I think there isn't enough love out there for the pairing...but then again, I have a frayed wire in my brain that leads me to think unconventional pairings are the bee's knee's.**_

_**To ninjapoke, it's good to know you're still reading and enjoying this. Yes, I didn't really want to thrust so many strange pairings into one story, but...well...*shrug*. The Harley and Crane pairing just sort of slipped out of my insane mind.**_

_**~*Easter*~**_

"Are you deeply religious, Selina?"

All across Gotham the city was silent, eerie. Standing high on the roof of Gotham Brewery, Catwoman flexed, keeping her muscles warm for her journey over chimneys and air vents.

Behind her Batman landed heavily, his cape snapping in the wind.

"Do you know me at all?" She asked him darkly, watching his approach with wary eyes. It wasn't that she felt threatened by him, but she felt a lot safer around him when they were sleeping together. At least then she knew his old school sense of chivalry would restrain him from harassing her unnecessarily.

His blue-grey eyes shone in the neon glow of the brewery sign. "I haven't seen you around much lately." He began. "Figured with the Lavender Diamond in town you might be out and about."

She extended her claws idly, studying the way the diamond tips glimmered in the light. "You know, I've been thinking," she said, sensing the Bat move in closer to her. "Ever read Dante?"

"Of course," Batman objected.

Hopping up onto the edge of the roof, Catwoman gave her cowled pursuer a cool look of indifference over her shoulder, before looking pointedly at the city before her.

"It's not quite hell, but close sometimes." He replied.

Dangling her leg over the edge, she swung it idly. "Rough night, Bats?"

"Not yet. Arsenic has it out for me."

"So I've noticed."

They both fell silent.

As much as Selina still found some warmth in her for the man, she could physically feel the distance between them. There were several invisible barriers that kept them apart. They had so much history, but she wasn't so sure they had any future. Things just kept forcing more and more barriers between them.

Feeling uncomfortable, she slipped her other leg over the edge and prepared to leave.

A hand landed on her shoulder and Batman pulled Catwoman back. "I always hate when you leave halfway through a conversation." He said softly.

She eyed the gloved hand on her shoulder. "Ever had all four fingers and a thumb broken at the same time?"

There was a moment where Batman silently eyed her, refusing to let her win one, before he dropped his hand. His mouth opened, but Catwoman cut him off, pointing to the bat signal high in the sky.

"Duty calls." She said.

He looked at the light, hesitated only briefly. "We'll talk later."

Reaching out, she lay her hand against his chest. "There's nothing to say, Bats." With that she leapt over the edge of the building, hooking her hand around a horizontal flag pole, using it to launch herself across the gap between buildings.

She worked her way across the city using the roofs, the ledges and whatever else she could grab hold of, flipping and leaping like it was a beautiful dance.

No one could set her on edge like Bruce. And he only seemed to come around just when she got back into her comfort zone.

Her foot slipped on a damp ledge and she nearly plummeted to the ground.

"Shit," she cursed, gripping the buttress she was climbing up. _Focus, Selina. _

Wanting desperately to smack someone around, preferably someone in a cape and bat-cowl, she pulled herself up onto a fire escape and came to a stop. Better than angry fighting, was angry sex.

Slipping into the dark apartment, Selina looked around. The whole building had been abandoned after a fire Joker started, and she knew that it was where she'd find him.

Wandering past the ring where they had been training lately, she searched the ruins of the old place for a ghost.

After ten minutes, she gave up, too angry to wait around for Wildcat to come around from wherever he was.

Stretching, she slipped out the window again, her legs and arms working to move her across Gotham, her mind still distracted by the look in Bruce's eyes, the sound of his voice. Condescending a little, laced with lust and a some form of shame.

_To hell with him_, she thought. And to hell with Wildcat, she'd find someone else to smack around.

Too angry to go home and change out of her costume into street clothes to head to a bar to pick up a man for a nice, therapeutic session of rough intimacy, Selina headed towards the old business area of the city. Down where the buildings were brick and built back at the turn-of-the-century.

Knowing Eddie, the nerd that he was, he'd still be working. Sitting in his dingy, cramped office staring at a file or two, stroking that pointed chin of his while deep in thought. And she'd drop by, shake him up a little, maybe get back at him for a few of his more annoying visits

Landing hard on the ledge outside his office window, Selina crouched down and peered inside.

Naturally, just to ruin her night, the damned geek wasn't there. His office was dark.

"Son of a bitch," Selina snarled.

No sooner had she cursed, than a crash, muffled through the glass of his window, caught her attention.

Carefully pressing herself against the window, Selina peered in through the dark. It was hard to make out, but she saw someone's back had been pushed through the frosted glass of the door between Eddie's office and his waiting room.

She was certain it was a green suit the victim was wearing, but the light made it hard to tell.

Carefully she tried the window, it was locked.

As another crash came through from the waiting room, Selina pressed one of her diamond tipped claws to the glass and cut a hole big enough for her to slide her arm through to unlock the window.

Pushing it up, she entered Eddie's office and made her way softly across the room, heading for the door.

"You show anyone those photos, you snooping son of bitch and I'll slit your throat. Do you hear me?" Someone snarled.

Carefully Catwoman peered into the next room through the hole in the door.

Eddie was pressed against the wall by a behemoth of a man, his face battered, eyes wide. And when Selina described the monster as a behemoth, she meant he was massive, too many nights at the gym, too many days in the sun working on his tan.

On the floor was the Riddler's cane, smashed and bent, useless. A gun lying even further, the bullets scattered around it.

Not usually one to stick her nose into other people's business, Selina did feel justified in helping Eddie out from under the grasp of the goliath of a man. She always hated one sided fights and Eddie was absolute shit when it came to fights.

Letting herself into the waiting room, she lunged at the man holding Eddie up, the heel of her boot connecting with the his temple.

The attacker crumpled like a marionette without a puppeteer, dropping Eddie as well.

Picking himself up from the floor where he tumbled, Eddie eyed her, straightening his tie. "I was about to do that." He pointed out.

She studied his broken and bloody face with empathy and slight amusement. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"I.Q. envy." He supplied simply. "You would be surprised how often it happens to a man such as myself." Kneeling down he grabbed hold of the man's ankles. "Want to get that end for me?"

After a moment of contemplation, Selina relented, grabbing hold of the beasts' wrists. They tugged and dragged and pushed him out of the office and into the hall, Eddie looking around cautiously.

"Seriously, Ed, what's shaking?"

"Oh, you know, kitten." He grunted in effort as they reached the stairwell, the unconscious man's head bumping against the door. "Same old tale, boy meets girl, marries her, years later the perfidious fellow finds his taste leaning more towards the twenty-one-year-old secretary and her roommate."

"Sleazeball," Selina said.

"Welcome to my life," Eddie said. "Nothing but cheating spouses and insurance fraud."

"Can't be that dull, your face looks like hamburger meat."

He beamed at her, despite his split lip. "This? It's all part of the job, kitten."

"You really might want to learn to fight, Eddie." Selina said. "Considering that your entire adult life has been comprised of jobs that put you in these sort of situations."

"I _can _fight, this brute just managed to surprise me."

Reaching the lobby to the building, the two dropped the body and peered out of the stairwell. In the lobby at a desk sat a middle aged security guard, watching the screens in abject boredom.

"Let me handle Pascal, he knows me." Eddie said. "Can you lift this one?"

"I have more muscle than you. I'll be fine dragging his carcass." She replied.

He quirked a brow, but said nothing, pushing out into the lobby.

Selina watched as Eddie started up a conversation with the doorman, after a moment he touched his bruises and laughed, motioning towards the elevators opposite the stairwell.

Pascal turned to see what it was Eddie was pointing at, and Selina took the opportunity. Hefting the dead weight onto her back she hurriedly moved out into and across the lobby, half dragging the giant behind her. She wished the man wasn't so massive, it would make it easier, but finally she made it out into the night air. In the shadows beside the building, where she dropped the body and waited.

Eventually Eddie emerged, chuckling to himself. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a set of keys and sorted through them, his head bent.

"I didn't know you had a car, Ed." She said, hauling the man's dead weight over to the curb.

"Don't really need one in the city, but it comes in handy for stakeouts and times like these. Around back," he said, pointing towards the alley.

Hefting the dead weight once more with the help of the Riddler, they made off down the dark alley.

"So," Eddie began halfway down, "what brings you around my corner of hell tonight?"

"It's Easter Friday, Eddie." She said like it was a viable answer.

He furrowed his brow as they passed under a alley light, but said nothing. Well, he looked like he was about to say nothing, but what came out of his mouth was almost as bad as him saying nothing. "Want to colour eggs with me?" He teased.

"Shut up." She snapped.

Eddie stopped short, the body between them ramming into his knees, Selina grunted as she ran into the whole blockade.

"What's wrong, Selina dear?" He asked, eyeing her with those sharp eyes of his.

"The economy's down, floods, fires, riots, pick one." She replied. "Where the hell are you parked?"

"Calm down, kitten." Eddie said as they started up once more, his smirk irritating Selina in a whole new way.

_I guess the urge for angry sex is still there_, she thought as images of her chewing on his soft, pink bottom lip plagued her. Even in the near dark of the alley, she knew the smirk. It was Eddie's smirk. The only thing she knew he possessed that if harnessed properly, could turn any woman on.

_Too bad Eddie__'s terrible with people. He could have been a real heartbreaker._

Finally, after they hauled the man around the corner at the end of the alley, they came to a stop by an old, avocado green Buick.

Dropping their load, Eddie popped the trunk and helped her heave the man in there, removing his tie when they finished and binding his wrists tightly.

"You know, this could be considered illegal, Ed." Selina teased.

The Riddler chuckled unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt. "Yes, almost like old times, except in this instance it's sort of self defence."

"Sort of?" Selina quirked a brow.

Beaming at her as he dropped the lid of the trunk heavily, Eddie held out the keys. "Baby, you can drive my car."

"What makes you think I want to be involved in this caper of yours?" She demanded, crossing her arms.

"Because deep down you love going on capers with me," he said with a shrug.

She didn't mean to do it, normally she never would, but a snort of amusement escaped her. Selina covered it by touching her hand to her chin elegantly. "I'll ride shotgun."

* * *

><p>They were halfway through Little Gotham, when the man began thumping around in the trunk.<p>

"Where're we heading?" Catwoman asked, watching as the cookie cutter McMansions rolled past her window turning on the radio to drown out the thumping, some crooner came on singing about sweethearts on parade. Without care, Selina began to adjust the station to something with more rock to it.

"I want to close this case." Eddie replied, blindly reaching for something in his inner jacket pocket and pulling out a few pictures. Holding them up for her to see, he chuckled. "His wife might want to know about these."

"You're going to see the wife? With her husband tied up in your trunk?" She demanded, taking the pictures from him so he could drive. She looked through them idly, they were typical of cheater pics. Man kissing some woman who was barely dressed in said man's shirt and not much else. "Kind of ballsy, don't you think?"

"I have a card up my sleeve, kitten."

"I thought that was Jack's shtick, Ed." She replied, taking the final picture he pulled out for her.

This one was not so typical, behind the woman in the dress shirt, stood a man in not much else, his mouth pressed to the man in the trunk's.

"Wow, this guy liked to party." She remarked with a wry smile.

"Did I forget to mention the roommate was male?" He chuckled. "While open minded myself, I think a hand fed fellow such as the one in my trunk may find it a bit of a blow to his reputation. Especially here in Little Gotham." After driving for a few minutes in silence, he spoke again. "Do you know what the number one cause of death is here, kitten?"

"Gee, I don't know, professor. Boredom?"

"Suicide."

* * *

><p>Eddie leapt back into the car, beaming from ear to ear.<p>

"Happy client?" Selina asked, looking up from where she was idly shredding an old flyer that she found in his glove box.

"Not really, but big tipper. By the way, if I smell like perfume, it's because she wanted revenge."

"Eddie," Selina began, unsure what to make of that declaration. "Did you…?"

He chuckled. "No, but if I wasn't so good at wriggling out of Batman's grip…"

The car rocked a little as the man in the trunk began wriggling around again.

"Where are you going to drop him off?" She asked as the car began to move again.

"Think Arkham's too far?" He asked.

She smirked. "Not for that asshole."

"Aw, kitten, you do care." He replied.

"What?"

"Well, the man did nothing to offend you, except beat my face into a nice purple hue." Eddie returned. "Your anger alone proves that deep down you carry some small form of concern over my well being."

"Don't fluff your feathers, Ed. I just hate his species." After a moment, she turned to him. "I have an idea."

"I'd love to hear it."

* * *

><p>They left the man right beside Arkham, in a swampy area of the countryside and drove out a little further, parking in the approach to a farmer's field.<p>

On the hood of Eddie's old Buick, they lay side by side.

"I'm not going to mention how clichéd it is, stargazing as we are," Eddie began. "But it is actually very clear out tonight."

"Shut up and enjoy the stars, Eddie." She stated.

He was quiet for a moment, but not long enough to really matter.

"Funny," he mused.

She really didn't want to ask, but damn her curiosity. "What?"

"Well..._you_ came to me tonight. Why?"

She scoffed. "Maybe I just wanted to ruin your night for once..."

Beside her, he rolled his head to the side and gave her a long, hard look.

"There's something about the stars, for you, isn't there?" He asked, turning back to watch the sky.

Thankful that he changed the subject for her, she smirked. "It's not just the stars...it's the night. I thrive at night. And you, Ed? You said before you're a night owl..."

"Hn, there have been scientific studies on the effects of the night on a person in relation to their brain waves. While some of those studies have been proven to be fairly inconclusive, I have found - nonetheless - that I do my best thinking after dark. Living off the hum of the absolute solitude that the twilight brings."

"Who was it that said, 'night owls have the world for themselves'?" She asked.

Eddie softly chuckled. "The world is yours regardless, Lina."

"Veni, vidi, vici, huh?" She inquired dryly.

"Not in such a way, but with that charming little smile you try so hard to hide from the world, you may be able to conquer anything you set out to conquer."

She shifted in her spot.

Turning his face towards her again, she could feel Eddie studying her with that look of his that could cut glass. "One might say that in trying to hide your smile, you're trying to hide yourself."

Clasping her hands over her navel, she shifted her hips to get comfy, changing the subject swiftly. "I used to do this all the time in high school. Stargaze."

Eddie was silent for a moment, before turning his eyes back on the stars overhead.

"You mean that little Catholic all girl's orphan reformatory you went to?" He teased.

She smirked, thankful he let the topic go. "We'd sneak out to go riding with the boys from the prep school nearby. And we'd lay out under the stars on the hood of their cars, the radio blasting, making out."

"I'm not opposed to any of that, for the record," he said. "Except maybe the blasting music…I've seemed to have reached the age where blaring music gives me a headache."

Scoffing, Selina turned, shifting to face him. "And how old is that, Ed?"

"How old are you, kitten?" He shot back, turning to face her as well.

"You think I won't tell you?"

"I think you might try to lie, yes."

"Not all women are vain about their age."

His brows rose in a 'prove it' gesture.

"Thirty-three."

Eddie nodded. He turned, laying back, eyeing the stars. "We're both getting a little too old for this kind of life, aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself, old man."


	7. Mother's Day

_**Violeta27, your review was a pleasant welcome home after coming back from a dead internet...(my internet died, hence the late update). ^_^ So, without further ado, I grant your wish. ANOTHER CHAPTER!**_

_**Robot521, I agree with you on the whole Bat/Cat thing. He's just not right for her. And in the comics it's...awkward to read. But who am I to complain? I write Riddler/Catwoman, a pairing that so far has only three authors who write on it (on this site, at least). Still, many, many thanks for your reviews, they make me feel like a kid on Christmas who has a Riddler-shaped present sitting under their tree...struggling away at his bonds...*cue evil laughter*...**_

_**ninjapoke. What can I say? Your loyal reviews are so positive and endearing, you really make me glad that I decided to take the plunge and publish my story here. I look forward to your reviews everytime I update (not to put any pressure on you). ^_^**_

_**As you may or may not have noticed so far, I wrote this story a while back, so a lot of what's in here is obviously AU. But when you think about it, fanfiction on a whole is pretty much AU...so...you know...something to think about while you twirl your moustache...or stroke your chin.**_

_**SPOILERS...of sorts...for Gotham City Sirens issue #12...and so forth...so...right...**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*Mother's Day*~<strong>_

A bouquet of pink carnations were thrust into her face, causing Selina to slap them out of the gloved hands of Edward Nygma in surprise.

He chuckled and folding his arms, leaned against her doorway. "Happy Mother's Day, Lina."

"I'm not a mother, and I'm not amused."

"You could be a mother some day." He pointed out. "You have the ovaries."

"Not now, Ed. I'm already late." She growled.

Picking up the flowers, he brushed them off idly as Selina locked her door. "You're dressed to kill tonight, my queen. Do I smell romance in the air?"

Ignoring his newest endearment, she smoothed down her tiny black dress and pressed the button for the elevator. "Really, I have no time."

Folding his arms, he leaned against the wall beside the elevator, the bouquet still in hand. "Who's the lucky fellow?"

"No one you know," she replied.

The doors to the elevator opened and before Selina could step inside, Eddie was in front of her blocking her escape, the flowers held up.

"Question: what's the difference between you and I?"

Selina pushed the man into the elevator if only to keep moving. "I don't know."

"Not even going to chance a guess?"

Plucking a carnation from the bouquet, Selina purred and slipped it into his lapel. "Really, Eddie, not tonight. Okay?"

"Selina," he began, smiling broadly. "It's not even one of my harder riddles. In fact it's fairly juvenile."

She sighed and stepped off the elevator as it reached the main floor, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Wait!" Eddie called after her.

She turned to give him the courtesy of her attention and found him standing close to her, a single carnation drawn from the discarded bouquet. He touched it to her chin and slipped it up, tracing the line of her jaw softly.

Snapping off the blossom, Eddie tucked it into her thick, dark locks artistically and smiled proudly.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

Clasping his cane behind his back, he leaned in, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear to whisper, "I'm stalking you."

She pursed her lips. "Where will you be later tonight?" She asked.

He stepped away from her, hands held up, shining brass cane pointed towards the ceiling gloriously. "One never knows with me."

Touching her hand to his sharp jaw, Selina purred. "Meet me at your car in an hour."

His eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. "What about your date?"

Selina gave him a secretive smirk. "Who said I had a date?" She turned, but paused. "Oh, by the way, Ed. Eleven letters."

Behind her Eddie giggled maniacally at the riddle.

* * *

><p>He was waiting against his car when Selina dropped into the alley. His long, lean form illuminated by the backdoor light to some bar, his face shadowed by his fedora.<p>

Standing in the shadows, she watched him for a moment, entranced by how beautiful he looked in the light. Almost like it shone for him.

In another life she could see Eddie as a fast talking game show host. Someone destined to be in the limelight, with the classic good looks and the sharp wit to be the host of something. Someone people were drawn to, someone who could hold his own in a battle of wits.

Selina tried to imagine him as a little boy, but failed.

_Did he get his looks from his mother or father?_ She wondered.

If things kept on the way they were going, she might get a chance to ask Eddie for an old photo of himself, so that she could have an idea of what he looked like as a boy, since that thought was in her head and her curiosity was practically crippling.

Eddie's head turned slightly, the light catching his pointed chin and nose.

"What are you doing over there?" He asked.

She hesitated, feeling foolish for being caught. "Enjoying the silence." She shot back, finally emerging from the dark. "How'd you know I was over there? Most people don't hear me until it's too late."

Unfolding his arms, Eddie smirked. The play of the light doing wonders to the roguish quirk of his mouth. "I heard your heels clack when you hit. I've got to say, I'm impressed you can travel by rooftop in a short dress and five inch heels."

Selina shrugged. "What can I say? I'm damned good at what I do." As she drew nearer to him, Selina could see how the light played with his eyes. She recalled years ago, making fun of Eddie with Ivy, mocking his dapper style and his awkward ways with people. In her youth she wasn't the kindest woman, especially to Eddie. And why? Because he had to puff out his chest and boast his exploits because no one else would? The truth was, Eddie was brilliant. Saying the man was smart was an understatement. He was beyond genius, skilled in both word puzzles and tactile arts. He could rearrange an eighty letter anagram in less time than most people could even digest all the letters before their eyes, but he could also fix anything. There was nothing he couldn't do. Plumbing, electrical, engineering, architecture, carpentry. But for some reason nobody wanted to acknowledge his abilities. Maybe if he had someone, anyone, to just tell him how proud they were of him, how good he was at something, then maybe he wouldn't have even turned into the Riddler.

Now, in the tender years before middle age, as Eddie mellowed with therapy and Selina mellowed with time, she found herself cringing at some of the things she had said about him. Some of the things she had done to him.

As Eddie stood before her, oddly quiet, Selina decided that if he wanted to play a game, she could play a game with him. But they would most definitely have to play by her rules.

Eddie pocketed his hands and rocked back on his heels, waiting for her to say something.

"You know," Selina began simply, moving past him towards his car. "I've haven't been to a movie in years."

Behind her she heard Eddie's footsteps falling in line and smiled.

* * *

><p>They had agreed on a movie that had little CGI effects, which resulted in them going into a horrible rom-com.<p>

Sitting in the back of the theatre, Selina cringed at the plot, while Eddie rolled popcorn into tight little balls and flicked them at couples whenever they began to get too comfortable together.

"This movie is terrible," Selina leaned in to whisper.

Eddie smirked. "It's not so bad," he replied. "At least we learned why love is important to the soul."

Smiling in the dark at Eddie's joke made against the movie's tagline, Selina pushed the box of popcorn out of his hands and pulled him to his feet. "What I _learned_ is why I haven't been to a movie in years. Let's go."

* * *

><p>They walked along the theatre area of Gotham, Eddie chewing on the jujubes he had pilfered from the movie canteen when the pimple faced youth had his back turned, Selina idly taking in the posters they passed.<p>

"Eddie?" She asked after a moment of reflection.

He swallowed. "Hn?"

"Do you have any pictures of you as a kid?"

Elegant wine red brows drew together. "Why? What have you heard?"

"Nothing, I'm just wondering what you looked like as a boy."

They left a few more feet of concrete behind them, before Eddie chuckled.

"Curiosity and cats…" he mused. After a while, he cleared his throat softly. "I'll make you a deal."

Selina hesitated, she knew his sort of deals. "Go on," she said finally.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"I have none," she replied.

He paused, finger in mid point. "At all?"

"Nope, sorry, Eddie. I guess I just get to see yours."

The Riddler stopped, a wicked smile breaking out across his face. "I think I know where there might be at least one. But it might be risky."

Crossing her arms, Selina took a step back and eyed him. "Risky?"

* * *

><p>They crouched low behind the hedge.<p>

"If the Sisters catch us…well, I don't want my knuckles whacked with rulers again."

The Riddler chuckled. "Come on, kitten. You used to be fun."

"I was never fun, Ed. That's your realm."

He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Boring and dignified, then. But this is simple, we go in, rifle through some old records, find a picture of you from when you went to school here and leave."

Despite trying hard to be the sensible one in this, Selina found herself a little excited. There may have been some left over adrenaline from her earlier heist. It was a get in get out sort of affair at a rich cocktail soiree, but it wasn't enough.

"If you're caught, you could go jail."

He scoffed. "Please, they won't catch me. I've got a track star's physique. Besides, how many times have I slipped out of the Bat's grasp?"

"Eddie, you hold the record among the rogues for times Batman's caught you and sent you away." Selina replied.

"Minor details, Lina." He said, stretching his arms and legs out, joints popping and cracking. "Live for the moment." Unfolding his long form, he stood up and gave her a solemn, stage whispered, "Geronimo," before diving head first over the hedge into the shadows of the Reformatory's lawn, his feet tripping him up in the shadows.

Shaking her head at his drunken monkey style of scuttling, Selina stepped over the hedge with a soft, "Cochise."

* * *

><p>Walking down the dark halls of what had once been like a prison to her, Selina felt a chill. It wasn't physical, but the same chill she felt when she realized just how she had fucked up Maggie's life. Her sister was so good, so kind, but like everything Selina touched that meant anything to her, Maggie was soon changed, warped.<p>

She must have been rubbing her arms for warmth, because soon Eddie was watching her with concerned eyes, his shoulders shrugging off his jacket.

"Maybe we should have gotten you a change of clothes first," he said.

Accepting the jacket without really saying why she was chilled in the first place, Selina motioned towards the end of the hall. "The records used to be kept there, in the offices, but I heard that for older records, they moved them down into the basement."

Eddie nodded, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. "We'll try the office first."

"Afraid of the dark, dank of a basement, Ed?" She teased.

He gave her a haunted look, eyes almost screaming something which baffled Selina. It was almost like he wanted her to know what they were saying, like he was pleading with her for some form of understanding. "At one time." Was all he said, before his features settled back into his usual quietly smug default display.

They walked along for a moment in tomb-like silence, it didn't really make sense to talk while sneaking around anyways.

Reaching the offices, Eddie picked the lock and let them in swiftly.

Selina headed straight for the cabinet where Mother Superior Bailey used to pull her file out, while scolding her on the virtue of the day. Her fingers danced across the tops of manila folders.

A soft footfall in the corridor outside the office, had Selina pushing herself against Eddie, pressing them into a dark corner of the room, her hand over his mouth.

Outside the door, soft whispers were heard, before it was carefully pushed open.

"Whoever's in here," someone spoke softly. "We don't want any trouble, but the police are being notified."

It was impossible! Selina recognized the voice, but even twenty-some years ago the woman had seemed ancient. She couldn't possibly still be alive!

Being put in the situation she was in quite often in her line of work, she knew it was better to just give up the jig and act as innocent as possible. Most people didn't want trouble.

"Mother Superior Bailey?" She asked.

The woman at the door moved further into the room, squinting from behind thick, coke bottle glasses. "Who's there? Do you know me, child?"

Selina exhaled, her breasts pressing against Eddie's chest. "It's Selina Kyle. Do you remember me?" Pulling away from him, just as the lights overhead flickered on, she found her old spiritual advisor hadn't aged a day. Proving that Selina was right all those years ago; Mother Superior Bailey had been born old.

"Selina," the woman said with a slight smile. "I should have known you'd be the one snooping around in other people's things."

"You can't beat the demon out, Mother Superior." Selina said. "You haven't really called the cops yet, have you?"

The woman smiled and shook her head, eyeing Eddie carefully. "What are you looking for, child?"

"Interesting story," Selina began. "Eddie and I were talking about our youth earlier and he wanted to see a picture of me from when I was child, but I have none."

Motioning for the two of them to sit, the old woman took her place behind her desk looking at them with jewel-like grey eyes. "You thought we'd have some here?"

"I was hoping you might." She said.

The aged nun looked past them and motioned someone into the room.

A young nun entered, her head bowed.

"Sister Naomi, could you run down into the basement and bring me the file marked 'Students 1970-1980'?"

"You do have some photos?" Selina asked.

The woman nodded. "We may. But we do have regular hours, child. You are aware?"

Placing a perfectly practiced abashed mask on her face, Selina shrugged. "Sorry. I'm a creature of the night."

"Of course. You think I can't recall the many nights I'd hear scuffling coming from the grounds, only to find you and some handsome young rogue in a compromising position?" As she said this her eyes landed once more on Eddie, and a small, impish smile touched her lips.

Normally, these sort of things didn't bother Selina, but with Eddie beside her, she found herself actually embarrassed.

He chuckled.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been properly introduced," Mother Superior said.

Eddie held out his hand. "Edward Nygma."

"You used to go by a different name? The Riddler, was it?"

"That was a different life," he replied.

The old woman nodded. "Heaven has a great field for those who seek redemption. One of wheat and sweet water."

Eddie beamed at the woman. "I do thirst mightily."

Beside him, Selina's elbow shot out and Eddie grunted. "The rulers, Eddie…" she warned out of the side of her mouth.

"How's your sister, Selina? Last I heard she was in the order." The old woman asked suddenly. "I remember she would visit you every chance she got when you were children."

Selina cringed. "She's…in Arkham."

The energy of the room stilled.

After a long moment of the muffled buzzing of the night, Mother Superior Bailey spoke.

"I'm deeply sorry, Selina. I know how much you love your sister. She'll be in my prayers."

"I put her there."

That was one thing Selina had always hated about Catholics, if they wore a habit or a cassock, it automatically made her want to confess. Damned Catholics.

At her side Eddie was still.

"I broke her." She went on evenly. Tears blurred her vision, but she refused to cry. Inhaling deeply, she straightened in her seat. She had a lot she should be sorry for, but she refused to let anyone know that.

"When is an orange not an orange?" Eddie broke in suddenly.

Thankful for the change of subject, Selina smirked. "Sorry, Mother Superior, he does that from time to time."

"Jujube?" Eddie offered pulling the box of candy from his pocket and holding it out to the nun.

Selina chuckled. Only Eddie would offer stolen candy to a nun.

"Mother Superior," the young nun returned, a box in her arms. "I have the files."

"Thank you, Sister Naomi, leave them on my desk, then you may retire for the night."

"And the police?" The young woman asked.

"The matter has been resolved, Sister Naomi. Goodnight."

The young woman glanced at them, before quietly leaving.

Mother Superior smiled serenely and opened the box. "Let's see now…about 1977...Selina Kyle…"

As the old woman went through the files, Selina chanced a glance at Eddie and found him watching her steadily, his eyes a gentle, robin's egg blue, the box of jujubes held out to her.

She took one and chewed on it slowly. It was cherry, her favourite flavour.

"Ah, here we are." The woman withdrew a file folder and opened it.

"Just one?"

"Some don't have any." The old woman said.

Picking up the photograph, Eddie studied it, a smirk on his face.

Selina leaned over to see as well and scoffed. "Oh God!"

"Blasphemy," Mother Superior warned firmly.

There in the photograph was Selina Kyle, aged eleven, her long, dark hair in braided pigtails. She looked like Wednesday Addams decked out in her dark Catholic school uniform, with her sombre, pale features and her large violet eyes.

"Not one word, Eddie." Selina warned.

"One word isn't enough…" he replied. "Can I get a copy of this?" He asked the nun cheerfully.

* * *

><p>"I may post this on the internet…" he remarked as they walked into the lobby of her apartment building, his eyes on the photocopy of her in his hands proudly.<p>

"Just because we didn't get to your childhood pictures, doesn't mean I've forgotten, Ed."

It was nearly three in the morning and they were finally ready to call it a night.

"Could you imagine Crane as a child?" Eddie asked. "All scrawny and those big, creepy blue eyes of his…"

"Don't change the subject," she warned.

"I bet he was a real momma's boy."

Selina turned her face to hide her smile. "Shut up."

Fingers touching her chin, turned her attention back on the man beside her, not in the demanding way that most men would force her attention, but as a reminder. The tips of his fingers whispering against her flesh as if to tell her that she was drifting off and he was still there, wanting to say something. "We've been friends for how long, kitten?" He asked as she locked eyes with him.

"Jesus, Ed," she breathed, her mind working back over years. "I was twenty-one when I put on the cowl…we met once before that…about fifteen years."

"And how many times have I betrayed you?"

"I think it was a two way thing," she said. "And it was back and forth for years. Why?"

"Hn," he pushed his fedora back, giving his already rumpled, tie askew, shirt-buttons-undone-at-the-throat look a more devil-may-care appeal. "I know you enjoy a forward male-"

"Jesus Christ, Eddie, if you're going to kiss me just fucking do it." Instead of waiting for his response, she took the initiative. Grabbing hold of his tie, she figured a kiss wouldn't hurt. After all, Eddie was harmless.

His lips were soft, which didn't surprise her. They certainly looked soft, but what did surprise her was the intricate movement of his tongue as it boldly slipped into her mouth. Eddie could kiss! So he wasn't so awkward where it counted. Harley was right!

Not one to be dominated in something as minor as a kiss, Selina slid her hands around Eddie's waist and up his back, scratching the whole way to the back of his neck. She'd make him break.

What happened next threw her again, as Eddie pulled away from the kiss long enough to force her mouth to follow, before delving back into the kiss, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

Selina scowled. He wasn't going down easy.

Stepping up her game, she pulled away, straining to allow her lungs to accept little air as she slowed her breathing.

Giving Eddie a cool look of dismissal, she hummed. "Goodnight, Edward."

As she walked away, she could feel him watching her and smirked. Her game was much more fun that his.


	8. Father's Day

_**My openings are getting long thanking my reviewers individually, so as a change of pace, here's your group thanks in dance form. Why dance? Because life is short and cakes are great.**_

_**Violeta27, **__**Robot521, ninjapoke and thirteen_riot: ~Thriller Dance~**_

_**With so many origin stories in the Batverse, I was forced to make a decision, ignore the When In Rome story of Selina's origins and completely miss out on the opportunity to reference a lovely Eddie/Selina adventure or ignore the Gotham City Sirens origin story for Selina and miss out on some good Eddie/Selina interaction. I chose to do neither and hoped it made some form of sense. Not sure...but...well...there you have it...**_

_**For those of you who read 'M' rated stories for the language and not the sex, be forewarned: THERE BE SEX HERE! So...hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife...**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*Father's Day*~<strong>_

Despite being quite bird-like, Selina liked Oswald. It seemed the older he got the less he seemed to give a rat's ass about tact.

Sitting in the Iceberg, laughing as the Penguin barked out orders to his employees and sampled the drinks at the bar, Selina bided her time. She was in no real rush and hadn't seen Ozzie in a long time.

"Now, my feline friend," Ozzie said, grounding his words out from around the cigarette holder clenched between his teeth. "You have my utmost attention."

"How old are you, Ozzie?" She asked, leaning on the bar.

He pondered this. "Too old. Why, my lovely?"

"I've been thinking about the gallery lately. These new kids are popping up and we're not getting any younger." She propped her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Well," he began. It came out almost like a 'qua' as the cigarette impaired his speech somewhat. "I suppose those graceless, pessimists would brush it off as merely saying 'that's life, kiddo', and I'd be inclined to agree."

"Plan on being jaded your entire life, Ozzie?" She teased.

He exhaled a wraith-like furl of smoke, before smiling. "Can't change a man, Lina. You can only dress him up as a different beast."

"Hmm, you are a wise teacher, sensei."

He nodded. "And yet no one seems to listen to me."

"I _hear _you, I just prefer not to _listen_." She remarked.

Ozzie removed his cigarette holder with a kid gloved hand and eyed her. "You know, my pretty pussycat, you're starting to sound like Eddie. Guess my sources are good for something after all. Will there be a litter in the near future, dear? Brats who slink around like cats, asking asinine questions."

Selina scoffed and pulled the skewer from her drink. "Ozzie, have you ever considered children?"

"I consider them whenever the kitchen runs out of beef fillets."

"I'm serious, Ozzie."

He grinned, it was that dangerous, almost charmingly brilliant grin of his. "So am I, kitten."

She cringed. "Don't call me that."

"I've always called you that." He pointed out, stirring his martini.

"Well, I'm taking back the name."

Oswald laughed his insane quacking laugh. "You always were a strange pussy!"

Setting down the skewer, she touched Oswald's shoulder. "This has been nice, catching up, but I should go."

"Date?"

"Appointment." She lied.

"Don't give away the milk for free, pussycat!" Ozzie called after her.

* * *

><p>She waited for nearly three hours.<p>

Standing in front of the window of the dark apartment, looking out over Gotham, she wondered what the rogues were doing. The city was silent. So who was plotting? Which one would strike first?

Behind her she heard keys jingling in the lock and turned, hands on her hips.

Eddie stepped into his apartment, his head bowed to a bundle of bills and letters in his gloved hands.

Selina watched him as he tossed the bundle aside and hung his keys up, before reaching for the light switch.

"Leave it off," she commanded.

His hand stilled it's journey, blue eyes struggling to see through the darkness. "Selina?"

"You have a nice place, Ed. Clean. I like it." Slowly she approached him, stepping into the light cast from the hall beyond the apartment through the still open door.

Eddie's eyes danced over her figure, wide, panicked.

Reaching up she removed his bowler. "What's wrong, Eddie? Aren't you happy to see me?" She asked, placing the bowler on her own head crookedly and smirking at his cautious step back.

Furrowing his brow, the Riddler struggled to find the words to respond to that, his hand pushing the door closed behind him, throwing them into near darkness.

Selina was certain that no one had ever rendered Eddie speechless before and her smirk deepened wickedly as she took a step forward to counter his retreat, wrapping her hand around his tie.

It may have had something to do with the fact that Eddie wasn't good with people, was worse with women and must have been absolutely obliterated around woman in expensive black lace under things.

In her defence, she had been on her way to visit him, when the skies opened up and she got absolutely drenched.

With her clothes drying on the shower bar over his bathtub, she waited in her underwear, unaware of how much it would affect Eddie. After all, she wasn't naked. And the truth was, she didn't think being half naked in Eddie's presence was dangerous. Hell, she'd never even caught him looking at her tits the way most men did. She didn't think he'd react quite like this.

Well, looked like the game was back in her control. Let her win on her terms. After all, she was a kitty that liked to play with her prey before the slaughter. Things were beginning to look up for her.

"You were a lot less meek last time we were together," she whispered, loosening his tie carefully.

"More confident," he corrected. "Synonyms: forceful, certain, secure, firm-"

"I'll say," she teased, pulling his tie off, running her hands down his torso as she did so.

Pushing her hands from his body with a quick, efficient clearing of his throat, he moved into his dark kitchen. "May I offer you some tea, kitten?" He asked, flipping on the light over the sink.

Not easily dissuaded from her attack, she followed him, hopping up onto the counter where he stood fiddling with his kettle. Crossing her legs demurely, she tugged the kettle from his hands and hooked his liberated tie around his neck, reining him in closer to her. "Working late, Eddie? Or do you have some cute little thing stashed away somewhere?" She purred in amusement. "What's wrong? No words?"

"Why are you in your under garments in my home, Selina dear?" He suddenly asked.

She loosened the hold on his tie, but continued to hold him trapped in it. "I got caught in the downpour. My clothes are drying in your bathroom."

Again his eyes danced over her form. "D-do you need clothes?"

"I have clothes," she replied. "I'm just not wearing them at the moment."

Stepping back from the counter, Eddie studied her quietly for a moment, each second he did so, he seemed to calm, gain back some of his lost confidence the more he got used to a half naked Catwoman perched in his kitchen.

"Are you attempting to seduce me?" He asked slowly, fingers ghosting over his chin ponderously.

"What do you think, Ed?"

"I think you're playing at something."

"Am I?"

There was a beat, before a flicker of amusement touched his eyes and spread to his lips, pulling his mouth into a beaming grin. Opening his mouth, he was about to speak, when a furry grey and white cat scuttling by, underneath their noses caught his attention.

He tilted his head down to watch the cat, while Selina idly secured his tie around her neck and unbuttoned a few of the buttons on his shirt. She marvelled at the smooth expanse of porcelain flesh that was revealed with each button that was popped.

Normally she liked a man with more bronze to his skin, but lately her taste in men had been shifting. For some reason Eddie was looking good to her. It may have been his calmer demeanour, the way he seemed to have matured since becoming a PI, since trying his hand at being good. Or maybe it was the fact that his was a type she had never tried. He was different.

Then again, she did like her men to be submissive with a strong under current of dominance flickering just under their nervous, tentative touches. That had been the problem with the Bat to begin with. _He _liked to be the one leading the dance.

Eddie's eyes were on the pendant at her neck when she finally came back from her thoughts. At least she thought they were on her pendant.

With a small, proud smirk, she leapt, catching him off guard. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, she sagged heavily from him, amazed that they were still upright and not slammed back against the counter behind him.

His arms, something she never gave any thought to, were firm, steady around her, holding the weight of the woman with only a little tremor from the strain.

"Let's get one thing straight, Eddie," she purred, grabbing hold of the lapels on his green suit jacket. "From here on out, we play my game, by my rules. Understand?"

"My dear," he began, "I never make promises with all of the blood pooling beneath my belt. It's proven to be dangerous in the past."

Selina purred again, this time it was in contentment. "Oh, you'll play by my rules, Eddie, or you won't play at all."

"We'll see."

* * *

><p>Beneath her Eddie was no God. He was lanky, pale and a little hesitant to touch her.<p>

But that only meant Selina had control, and she loved having control.

As they moved, danced along to the age old tempo of the delicate act, something shifted, and suddenly Selina was in _his _arms, being dominated by _him_. She was still on top, but somehow she had lost control. So delirious from the things he was doing to her neck and the way he teased her beneath the sheets was she, that she took no notice of the shift in powers, until she was clenched in his arms, her nails deep in his back, moaning from the lack of release.

He bucked and she rolled, their hips moving mechanically, bodies knowing how to complete the event.

If they stopped now, for whatever reason, Selina felt like she would wither. They were so close.

The thought came to her, _this is the Riddler, Lina. What would Ivy say?_

And then he bucked and she buried her moan into his hair. Maybe it was the fact that the union was so unusual for her, that turned her on so badly.

_To hell with Ivy!_

"Kitten," he growled (something that nearly pushed her over the edge from the absolute rarity of the sound coming from a source that didn't seem like the growling type). "It's been so long…women don't usually…"

She smiled and tilted her head back, eyes closed.

Pressing reverent kisses to her throat, Eddie nuzzled at her clavicle, hips still bucking beneath her.

"Am I doing it right?" He asked, it was slightly teasing.

She exhaled a delicate laugh. "Yes…don't stop."

* * *

><p>His pale, spidery hand wove it's way through her hair, tangling with it and gently tugging as his tongue slid across her bottom lip and he worked his way up her jaw line, nibbling.<p>

Running her hand over his trim stomach, she made a thoughtful sound in the back of her throat, touching a finger to the trail of hair that began at his navel. "So," she began, "you're out of options and weapons," she began. "What's your last line of defense?"

"We're doing a hypothetical, post coitus?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Alright, I'm game." Touching a hand to his chin, he stroked it. "Last line of defense...thanatosis."

For a moment she pondered what that could possibly mean. She wasn't stupid, but...well Eddie was being Eddie. Thankfully, before she had to ask, he went on.

"I'll wait until they think I'm done for, and then pounce…or run, depends on my adversary at the moment. I could take Crane with bare fists, definitely Tetch and Wesker-sans-Scarface, but anyone else...I wouldn't risk it without a weapon."

Burying her face into his side, she hid her smile. "You wouldn't chance fighting Wesker if he had Scarface with him?"

"My dear, that puppet terrifies me."

Burying a laugh deeper into his side, she shook for several minutes, before composing herself enough to face him. "I'm going to tell Crane you think he's less threatening than a wooden toy."

"Oh, don't do that, he'd gas me unto the eighth generation just to prove me wrong."

They lay there for a few moments in silence.

Outside a police siren wailed, the red and blue lights reflecting off the ceiling of the bedroom.

"Are you really reformed, Ed? Or is this some part of an elaborate scheme?" She asked.

He pointed a finger in the air. "Ah, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? Has the Riddler reformed?"

"Have you?"

"It's hard, Lina," he admitted softly. "You said it yourself, my dear, you can't beat the demon out. There have been days, helping rich women catch their husbands cheating or investigating some servant who may or may not have stolen some jewellery, where I've thought about it. But," he added, "it doesn't seem to matter what I do, whether I'm Eddie or the Riddler, life doesn't seem to get any easier. It doesn't mean I won't or can't fall back into my old ways, it just means I'm trying very, very hard not to. Of course insanity isn't exactly helpful, the compulsion I have to make riddles, to do things only for myself...I know it's wrong, but I can't stop it."

Digging her nails into his side, she moved in a little closer to him. "Do you know why I steal, Ed?"

"I know exactly why you steal, my dear." He replied. "Growing up an orphan, you had nothing. So you steal to fill that empty space inside you, mostly you steal because you don't ever want to be without anything again. It's not that you're materialistic, you just have a compulsion to horde."

"Is there anything about me you don't know?" She growled lightly.

"Tell me about your sister," he whispered in the dark.

She lay across him, exhausted, but satiated, purring like a content kitten. "Can I do it later, Ed?"

He kissed the crown of her head as she settled further down his torso so that her ear was to his chest, listening to his heart beat. It was so intimate listening to a person's heart beating and with Eddie it was more than a little strange. "You never have to," he said calmly. "But I will deduce it sooner or later."

"I will tell you, just not now." It was odd, having someone know so much about her. But Eddie had always been that way, he read her like a book. She traced a faint scar just under his pec. He had run a finger over her own scar earlier and while Selina was very timid about having anyone see it, his eyes weren't repulsed or mocking, he just touched it sweetly, running a finger from the spot just above her belly button where the scar started and gliding it up to the area just below her clavicle. But now she was tracing his, mapping them out like a sailor mapping the stars.

"Where'd you get this?" She asked.

He craned his neck to see. "Batman."

"And this one?"

"Two-Face."

"And this one?"

"Batman."

"This one?"

"You."

She quirked a brow and gingerly traced the path of the scar. It ran along his side at an angle, from his ribs to his left kidney. "I'd say sorry, but you probably had it coming."

He chuckled, that maniacal, endearing chuckle of his.

It rumbled beneath her cheek.

"I never thought a woman could be so interested in my cicatrices."

"Hn," she purred.

"What was it like to die?" He asked suddenly. "To have your heart torn out?"

Her body stretched and retracted like an earthworm. "Wow, Eddie, you really know how to pillow talk a girl."

He breathed a silent laugh. "Sorry, I was just thinking…"

Selina pressed her lips to his shoulder. "You think too much, sometimes."

He was blissfully quiet.

"It wasn't like anything." She said, getting back to his previous question. "It was like absolute fear, then sleep, I guess."

"How many lives do you have left?"

"What is this 60 Minutes?" She demanded. "Five, if you plan on keeping count." She murmured, pushing up to peer down at him, her long hair creating a dark curtain around them. "What about you, Ed? If you had nine lives, how many remain?"

"Seven," he said without even needing to think.

"Seven?"

"Apparently - and my memory of this time is fuzzy - but apparently I was diagnosed with a brain tumour…I can't recall what happened, but I was cured by something. I always get this feeling like I should know something from that time. Something important…but it's always furry and grey, sounds, flashes of colour, something about a sewer and lullabies…"

Violet eyes widened. She had no idea. "I didn't know that…" Carefully she settled herself on him once more, arranging her hands against his body, finding the scar she had given him and running her finger over it. "What about the second time?"

He touched her hair gingerly, curling a strand around his finger. "First time." He corrected softly. "And we'll discuss it around the same time we discuss your sister."

They fell into an embracing silence, Selina tracing the scar she gave him and Eddie curling a strand of her hair around his finger.

"She was always so sweet," Selina whispered. She wasn't sharing with him because she felt she was obligated, for some reason it felt like as good a time as any to share. "Maggie," she added quickly, not sure if he was following her train of thought. "Even before mom and dad died, people adored her. _I _adored her. She was patient and understanding." She paused, sighing. "When my parents died and we went to the orphanage, the kids all told me that I'd never be adopted, because people want younger children. Children who were less trouble and cuter. And then she was adopted and I was alone. I saw her now and then, her adoptive parents would bring her back to see me on my birthdays and such, but it was strange to see her once, twice a year. It began to feel like we weren't even family. She was different. The same, but not."

Before she could quash the urge, a tear worked it's way out of her and landed on Eddie's skin, pooling in a dip where his abdomen ghosted a few muscles.

"I broke her," she admit softly. "I broke her and she's in Arkham now, with the criminals and the killers."

Eddie inhaled deeply, drawing her into his arms, pulling her up so that they were eye to eye.

His eyes were so soft, so kind in the near darkness. She had never seen them like that, it wasn't the Riddler, it was Eddie. No one had seen Eddie. Not this man.

"If I may lend my expertise as a man who has been diagnosed as 'criminally insane'," he began. "Mental illness is something that festers inside our minds, a single event can trigger it, it's true, but if it wasn't you, it would have been something else. We madmen are ticking time bombs."

"It doesn't matter. _I_ was that catalyst. It was _me_."

"You should go and visit her," he said simply as though it were a perfectly natural solution.

Selina scowled. "I'd only set her off. I'm sure she's better off without me."

"Or," he urged, "she may need her sister now more than ever."

"I couldn't risk setting her therapy back." She stated dropping her head back to his chest.

"How about a mediator? Someone of superior intelligence and remarkable deduction skills to visit Maggie, if only to report to you on how she is."

She blinked. Was she hearing things right? Eddie wouldn't voluntarily go to Arkham, he didn't owe her anything. Selina raised her head back up to lock eyes with him.

"An interested third party, perhaps?" He suggested.

"You'd do that for me? Voluntarily return to Arkham to visit my sister?"

Eddie smirked. "I'm sure Arkham isn't so…atrocious when you're on the other side of the reinforced plexiglass with a visitor's pass."

Selina smirked and rolled away from him. "Maybe I will stay 'til morning after all."

"You were planning on leaving?"

"I'm not much of a 'morning after' girl, Ed."

He was silent, most certainly contemplating this.

"Most men would take this opportunity to spoon," she pointed out brusquely, snuggling deeper into the lush pillow beneath her cheek.

"I was under the impression that such a gesture is considered possessive."

"It is, but for tonight, I'll make an exception." As his arms settled around her, she smirked. "You try it any other time, though, and I'll balls you."

He chuckled. "Will there be other times?"

Pressing a smile into the pillow, she sighed. "We'll see."


	9. Independance Day

**ninjapoke, your reviews always make me laugh. Thank you for your loyalty in reviewing.**

**Robot521, you get a dance. ~Charleston Dance~ Thank you! (that was my finish...it had jazz hands)**

**Violeta27, you think so much like me it's terrifying...ly awesome! I don't tend to write sex scenes all that often, but with Catwoman...you kind of have to. She's a very sexual creature. Personally I'm more of a fluff writer, hence the 'post coitus' interlude. And don't be sad, I am working on a sequel for this. Thanks for the review.**

**Anyone out there with a love of Harry Potter, I want you to stop whatever you're doing...I mean, just stop. Right now...you there with the head of cabbage, stop...put it down...now listen up...go check out Violeta27's work, don't even read this crap story, go straight there...I'm looking at you guy from Sweden...heh heh I just blew someone from Sweden's mind!**

**~*Independence Day*~**

Gotham was stuck in the middle of an aggressive heat wave and Crane and Harley were on a crime spree, hitting those most vulnerable, vying for the attention of Batman.

She had forgone any unnecessary work, if only to save herself from wearing her catsuit.

Instead, she languished in her apartment in nothing at all, running her air conditioning on high. Lying on her sofa idly, stroking one of the many cats that slipped in and out of her place, she read a cheap romance novel, while the news ran in the background for some comforting sound.

Her ears were only tuned to the noise it made, not the actual stories.

At least they were until a particular name came up, causing her to drop the book and roll her head to face the TV.

There was a stock photo of Eddie, or the Riddler, onscreen as the news woman droned on about some case he cracked involving some rich bitch with too much money and not enough brain.

The part that caused her to sit up was a clip they showed of the woman showing far too much gratitude to Eddie.

Selina smirked, she could just imagine his inner turmoil from such contact. Stretching her arms leisurely, she realized it had been far too long since Father's Day and there was a very, very, very small part of her that missed the arrogant know-it-all.

The conundrum would be having to get dressed and go out in the intense heat.

Pondering this for a moment, Selina finally gave up, flopping back onto the sofa. It wasn't that big of an urge to see the man. Eddie be damned. Instead, she stretched out languidly, purring to herself at the feeling.

Grudgingly, she pulled herself up off the sofa as someone knocked on her door, slipping a flowy floral summer dress on to hide her nudity.

Through the peephole, Selina found a stroke of red hair illuminating the dull beige palate of the hall and she opened the door wide.

"Ivy."

The red head pushed past her.

"The sun's out and it's beautiful." Ivy returned almost cheerfully, which for her was as odd as Batman wearing a tutu to fight crime.

"The sun's out and it's hotter than the third ring of hell," she returned, closing the door and following her friend into the apartment. "Why are you in such a good mood?"

As they stepped into the living room, they found their eyes drawn to the TV screen, where the First Bank of Gotham was going up in smoke. Anything Ivy was about to say was cut off.

Basically the two watched long enough to know what was going down, so that they could avoid the area all together, before Ivy switched the TV off.

"Gotta love this city," she cooed.

Crossing her arms, Selina responded with a non-committal sound. "So…why are you so happy today, Pam? Can't just be the sun that makes you shine like this."

"Can't a girl just be happy, Lina? It's called living life, babes."

"Um-hm," she replied.

"Did you hear about Nygma?" Ivy asked, helping herself to some water from Selina's fridge.

"About the case he cracked with-"

"No," Ivy spun around, green eyes on fire. "Maybe Gordon hasn't released it to the press yet, but after that case, Eddie locked himself up in his apartment and had one neat little breakdown."

Selina touched a hand to Ivy's arm. "What? How do you know this?"

"Ozzie, he said Nygma called him ranting about his head melting or something. Apparently they carted him off to Arkham as a precautionary measure."

"Are you serious, Pam?"

Taking a calm sip of water, Ivy shrugged. "As a drought."

Grabbing hold of Ivy's wrist, Selina wrenched the water from her hand and tugged her towards the door. "Do you still have your fake reporter pass?"

"I guess, why?"

* * *

><p>Arkham never changed.<p>

Selina had been there a few times on business, never as an inmate, but it was always the same.

For a place where those with serious mental illnesses went to get better, the place was dark and terrifying and not at all conducive to better mental health.

Dark, dimly lit dungeon-like corridors were interspersed with blindingly white halls and the screams of the madmen were peppered with sobs of absolute misery and despair. To top it all off the place stunk of urine and feces, mixed with vomit and complete human misery.

Touching a hand to her blonde bob wig, she moved down the hall, following an orderly who seemed like more of a Homo Erectus than a Homo Sapiens. His knuckles practically dragged on the floor as he lumbered along.

Since Eddie wasn't allowed visitors, she had asked to see the Doctor treating him.

Leeves, she had heard from Ivy, was a complete and total arrogant asshole. So, basically all she had to do was stroke his ego and maybe she'd get a short 'interview' with the patient.

Inside the richly decorated office, Leeves, blonde and blue eyed, handsome as any wasp, looked down his nose at her, even as she gushed about his previous cases. He corrected her grammar when ever possible and seemed to relish pointing out her improper use of words and terms, even if they were slightly debateable usages. She had thought Eddie was bad, but he wasn't an asshole when correcting her like the dick sitting across the desk from her.

Finally, when she asked about the Riddler and if it was true about his breakdown, the man's eyes lit up.

He talked about an experimental treatment (which didn't make Selina feel any better about Eddie) and raved about how his brilliance would once and for all 'cure' Mister Nygma of his sickness.

After putting up with an hour of the arrogant prick, Selina had finally managed to sweet talk (and flirt) her way into an interview with Eddie.

She was warned he'd be groggy from the drugs they pumped into him initially to calm him after his breakdown, what Selina wasn't expecting was to see him looking so pale. So fragile.

As the orderly retreated to a far corner of the room (to eat a banana perhaps), Selina moved her chair in a little closer towards the table, towards Eddie.

"Eddie," she began softly.

His glassy eyes blinked.

"Jesus, Ed. What the hell happened?" Her tone - despite her best efforts - was broken by hesitation and fear.

After a moment of silence, Eddie spoke softly, his words slurred ever so. "Absolutely nothing."

"You're in Arkham, Eddie."

"I should hope so." He replied.

"Something had to have happened."

His eyes sparkled ever so, a flicker of Eddie, the Eddie she knew, still remaining behind the drugs, they darted over to the orderly and back. "It's very dangerous for you to be here, kitten."

"You're in Arkham," she repeated as though it was the best response for him at the moment. Maybe he wasn't sure he was there?

A small, barely there smirk caressed the corners of his mouth. "So you've said."

"Eddie…"

He winked at her, it was slow and sluggish, but definitely a wink.

"What are you doing here?"

"You seem awfully worried." He purred. "Am I to assume you miss me already?"

"Eddie, I swear if you weren't so crazy I'd throttle you." She snarled.

He smiled then. It was Eddie's smile. "You don't have to be crazy to be here, but it helps."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She growled loudly.

They both glanced over at the Neanderthal who was too busy picking parasites from his fur to notice.

"You didn't have a breakdown?" She demanded.

"Please, breakdowns are for madmen and cars. I needed access to the inner workings." He replied, his tone a little clearer.

Her mouth worked but nothing came out. "You...didn't have a breakdown?"

He beamed. "Like fixing a clock, Lina. Crack it open to get inside."

Leaning in closer to him, she whispered, "what are you doing here, then?"

"Business, Lina. I'm working on something here."

"This is going to ruin your reputation and you won't _have_ a business when you get out." She pointed out.

"Minor details. This is my first and foremost problem at the moment. I'll worry about my agency when I'm released."

"If you're released." She stated, folding her arms.

"I'll be released in a few months. I haven't technically committed any crime, they just want me back in here for observation. Two, three months tops. Long enough to do what I need to do."

"And just what is so important that you're ruining your life for it? You were doing good."

The chains of his wrist manacles clattered as he shifted in his seat. "I've been thinking of that freckle you have in a very naughty place. Contemplating how happy it must be."

"You're insane, Ed."

"I am in an asylum, proper place for insanity, don't you think? In fact, I've been thinking that while in the madhouse, I may just go bananas for fun."

She was quiet for a moment, before speaking again. "Does this have anything to do with Maggie?"

Blue eyes turned to the orderly, studying the creature idly, before he looked back at her. "They put me on some very powerful medications, my dear. I'm barely coherent and a little tired."

"Eddie," she whispered. "Please, if this is about Maggie-"

"You're an intelligent woman, Lina. Don't make me doubt it with assinine assumptions. If I were here for your sake, don't you think I'd be cashing in on my deed, so to speak? What is it they call my condition? Malignant Narcissism? I don't do things for other people out of the kindness of my heart unless I benefit from it."

"Just how are you benefitting from being here, then?"

"It's merely a walk down memory lane." He looked around. "How I've missed the smell of the old place."

"So they've diagnosed you as a compulsive liar, as well?" She inquired.

"Possibly. Do you know they redid the exercise yard? More razor wire and less fun than ever." He sighed theatrically. "Ah, so many memories...so many fights and all the lock downs...good times."

"Don't do this. Please?"

"Why, I can recall an incident between Two-Face...ah, back when Harvey was split," he leaned in, "well, between you and I? The man isn't so reformed...but there you have it. No, I recall a time when Crane made a comment about the size of Harvey's gun in relation to his...business. Well, Two-Face just went insane with rage, it took three guards and five orderlies just to bring him down. I took a stroll this afternoon by the blood stain...brought back some good memories."

"I have a feeling you're being sarcastic." She replied.

Gazing at her with honest eyes, Eddie smirked. "I think you should go, Lina, and stop worrying. Things here can only get better."

"Eddie..."

He slammed his hand down on the table loudly, drawing the attention of the guard. "I am the King of the Meerkat-people!" He proclaimed loudly with an amused grin on his face. "Both terrifying and fair!"

The orderly dragged himself over and took hold of Eddie, jamming a needle into his arm.

"My ride's here, kitten." He muttered, dropping back into a docile state, while guards rushed in to remove him. "Give the freckle my regards."


	10. Halloween

_**ninjapoke, how can she not love Eddie? He's a big brainy, ball of lovin'.**_

_**Robot521, is it wrong that I find the Riddler a little hotter in Arkham? I mean...I have issues...**_

_**Violeta27, Qua...that is all. (oh, made myself crack-worm dance a little)**_

_**I suppose if you still haven't read Catwoman: When In Rome (I highly recommend it!) then I shall have to warn you that in the chapter below there are HEAVY SPOILERS for it. You have been properly warned.**_

_**MILD SEX! VERY MILD...ALMOST NOT EVEN SEX...BUT A SEX LIKE SUBSTANCE THAT WHEN APPLIED TO THE EYELIDS CURES ALL FORM OF EYE FUNGAL DISEASE...AND FOOT ODOUR.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*Halloween*~<strong>_

Harley and Crane were at the top of their game.

Gotham was thrown into a chaotic cacophony of fear and exploding pumpkins, there was a ban on drinking the water and a warning about gourds that burst green goo in the faces of the populace.

Atop Gotham Bank, watching the terrorized populace idly, swinging one leg over the edge of the roof, sat Catwoman.

She had pretty much gone out to avoid handing out candy to brats who really didn't need any more sugar in their systems and with nothing in particular to do, perched herself on top of the bank and watched the streets.

Unlike Batman who watched the streets for crime, Selina watched for things to liberate and celebrity look-a-like's mostly, but at the height she usually perched, it was impossible to distinguish Latino Bruce Willis from Armenian Samuel L. Jackson.

Tonight she watched the terror.

"Only wish there were popcorn," someone said as they eased down beside her.

Catwoman smirked at Wildcat. "Or Jujubes."

He touched a hand to his chin. "So…who's doing the shaking this evening?"

"Scarecrow and Harley."

"They're doing a hell of a job," he went on.

"I know. Batman's probably pissed right off."

"Ah, keeps him on his toes." He joked, it was hollow.

They fell silent, watching as a cloud of thick yellow settled over the areas by the bay.

"I haven't seen you in a while," he began. His tone was measured, cautious.

"I know…things have been…off this year."

Wildcat smirked. "Off? From what I hear they couldn't be more 'on'."

"Oh God, who ratted me out?"

He chuckled. "Everyone, it's just one of those rumours that passes around."

"No, it's Harley and her big mouth. A girl needs her secrets."

Leaning back on his hands, Wildcat's muscles rippled beneath his costume. "I agree…but Jesus, Catwoman, the Riddler?" His tone was light, teasing.

She pursed her lips, she hated people knowing her business, it disturbed her. "Believe me, he's not my idea of Mr. Dreamy."

Eyeing her for a moment, the man pushed to his feet. "Then why?"

Selina stood as well, her fingers ghosting against her front, diamond tipped nails dragging over the vinyl of her suit. All she wanted to do was leave, just go home and ignore the human race until she died. "I haven't figured it out quite yet." Violet eyes darted over Gotham as another explosion ripped through the city.

Wildcat studied her long and hard with those sharp eyes of his, before he smiled. "Women..."

For some reason that was it and despite the fact that she liked Wildcat, she sighed heavily and dropped from their perch onto the ledge below, slinking off into the night.

* * *

><p>She had heard around midnight that to create more panic and confusion Harley Quinn had blown a hole in the wall of Arkham and the inmates were out running around the city.<p>

That explained why the shit was hitting the proverbial fan, as Selina soared over the city while parts of it burned and other parts rioted.

She was worried about Maggie, a breakout was such a hectic time and she didn't want anything happening to her.

Dropping to the ground, she peered around cautiously, before darting into the shadows of the street. All she had to do was avoid the insanity of Gotham, steal a car and make her way to Arkham.

She paused. A car…maybe an eyesore of a green Buick.

* * *

><p>It wasn't impossible to drive anywhere during a riot. It was hard, but not impossible.<p>

Still it took about two hours for her to reach Arkham, driving by groups of what she was sure were inmates, who tried to pull her over. She may have taken a few out at the knees with Eddie's bumper.

Arkham was eerie on a sunny day, never mind when it was dark and near empty.

Smoke from the explosion still clung to the low lying areas, there was no one. No guards, no orderlies, not a single inmate, nothing.

She stepped out of Eddie's Buick and gripped her whip tightly.

The thing about madmen, _criminal _madmen, was their unpredictability. She half expected to be attacked merely for kicks if any remained.

Picking her way over the bricks and debris left by the hole in the wall, she wandered through the asylum, heading for the woman's wing.

Somewhere in the broken asylum Edith Piaf poured her heart out in a crackly, heart wrenching manner, echoing off the still halls and stone walls of the building. It really didn't help the creepy edge the place already had.

Something muffled caught her attention as she passed by a heavy metal door and she paused, foot hovering in mid-step. Slowly she crept towards the door and pressed her ear to it.

Carefully, Selina tried the handle.

The door didn't budge.

She had three options, leave the door alone and move on not knowing if her sister was holed up behind it, break it down (_with what Lina?_) or knock on it and find out just who was on the other side (_and possibly get yourself in a whole mess of trouble_).

With a small moment of hesitation, she raised her fist and began pounding on the door.

"Vegetable, animal or mineral?" Someone asked loudly from the other side. It sounded like the Mad Hatter, but Selina wasn't really sure.

"Animal," she sighed.

There was a pause. "Male or female?"

"Female, let me in."

"Friend or foe?" A new voice joined the first, this one dark and scratchy.

"Manbat?" She demanded. There was no mistaking that voice, even in his human form, Kirk Langstrom had a deep, scratchy growl.

"Catwoman?"

"Yeah, who's in there with you?"

There was a rustle of movement behind the door as Manbat argued with a barely heard other, before the door was reluctantly opened.

Cautiously, Selina stepped inside.

Around a small metal table sat three men, Manbat moving to join them.

"Close the door behind you," he growled.

At the table Eddie smirked, ignoring her for a moment to throw down his cards.

"And that boys, is gin. Excuse me."

Manbat looked to the Mad Hatter who looked over at the Ventriloquist (or a sock that was playing gin in Arnold's stead more specifically).

"What's going on?" She asked as he approached her.

"Gin."

"Eddie, you're playing gin with a sock puppet and Manbat." She said simply, folding her arms.

"And I am _winning_," he shot back, tone slow and mocking.

"Where's Maggie?" She asked, shaking her head at the mere thought of the situation. "I know you've been watching out for her, so don't give me that-"

He pointed to a pile of clean white hospital sheets in the corner, Maggie's dark head poking out ever so. Pocketing his hands, Eddie smiled. "Poor goose got all tuckered out in the excitement. Figured the weapon's lock-up would be the safest place in a riot…you know because of the weapons and the door mostly."

"And why are they here with you?" She whispered, eyes on the three men at the table who were sorting through the deck of cards for a reason for Eddie's luck.

Eddie followed her gaze. "They have paroles coming up," he replied simply.

"Safer in here than out there anyways," Arnold piqued up meekly.

"Shut up, pussyboy," the sock on his hand spat. "We could be out there ruling Gotham right now!"

"I explained to you, Socko, that we have a parole coming up…" Arnold began evenly. "Besides Doctor Flemming said that you're not allowed to control all my actions anymore. I'm on the path to recovery."

Eddie subtly swirled his bare finger near his temple, before smiling at the men. "Well? Another round?"

"That's it? Gotham's tearing itself apart and you're going to play gin in a closet?" Selina demanded.

The Riddler scowled slightly. "Playing gin and _winning._ Why do you not hear that part?"

"Could really use your help, Ed." She stated. "It's like the ninth circle out there."

"You don't need anyone's help, kitten. That's what I like about you." He replied smoothly.

Her hand lashed out and grabbed hold of his ear, pinching it.

"Ow!" He complained as she brought him to his knees.

"You boys watch that woman in the corner and if any harm comes to her, I'll tear your ears off." She ordered, yanking Eddie behind her, out the door, his ear still in her grip.

* * *

><p>They marched down the hall sullenly.<p>

"You can let go of my ear any time now." He replied, almost petulantly.

She did so.

"I can't leave Arkham, Lina." He argued, rubbing his ear idly. "As much as I adore Batman and Mockingbird, I can't help Gotham." He frowned a little. "Wait, correction, I _won't_ help Gotham."

"You obviously don't know how much the city's gone to hell, then." She replied. "I suppose since innocent people are getting singed to high hell…plus all my things will go up in smoke..."

He touched an elegant finger to his chin. "Are…" he dipped his head ever so to peer up at her, "are _you _asking me for my help? **You**? Need me?"

She looked away. "Please."

"Please…help me, Eddie?" He teased, pocketing his hands and rocking back on one foot impishly.

"Ugh," she moved off, leaving him behind.

Like always he caught up to her. "Okay…but we'll need to find the Personal Effects Lock-Up, because I'm not running around saving Batman in these scrubs. I have an image to uphold."

* * *

><p>Beside her Eddie was sullen. Pouting. His arms folded petulantly.<p>

"Look, you didn't specify that you wanted _your _suit, Ed." She teased, because she had actually missed him a little. Not that she'd ever admit that to anyone but herself.

He shifted in his seat. "Obviously, I wanted my own suit."

Sitting beside her in one of Two-Face's old half and half suits, Eddie was both pimp and business and it amused her terribly. In the middle of chaos and panic, she was _amused_.

"Why are we even helping the Bat?" He griped. "I have no love for the man or his city!"

"Eddie, I love Harley like a sister, but it's gotten out of hand. There are still some innocent people left in Gotham and shut up, I don't have to explain myself to you." She snapped in one breath.

Eddie shifted again, adjusting the business side of his suit. "This suit is horrible, simply horrible."

"Would you have preferred one of Bane's unitards?" She teased.

He growled something unpleasant. "Do I at least get a weapon or something? You _have _pointed out that I'm not good with hand to hand combat."

She smirked. "Oh, I knew I forgot something…"

"What do you have for me, kitten?" He asked once more.

Reaching over, she opened the glove compartment for him.

A .44 Magnum fell into his lap.

Eddie studied it carefully, eyeing the sight and hefting the weight. He seemed put out. "Yeah…it's a weapon, I suppose." He sighed heavily. "You don't have anything with more oomph hidden in your bra, do you?"

"You mean besides my tits?" She asked dryly. "What's wrong with a .44?" She cranked the wheel to avoid a three car pile up on the road into Gotham.

"It's just so…Maltese Falcon-y…" he whined. "How about a semi-automatic or an Uzi! Something with flare! I mean, if I have to dress like Two-Face, I think I should at least carry a weapon that'll make him proud, you know?"

Selina turned her head slightly to hide her smile. "Why don't I just get you a yellow and black jumpsuit and a katana." She remarked.

"Would you?"

* * *

><p>"Three's a crowd," she purred, cracking her whip high above the heads of the small cluster of fuckwad crooks who were assaulting a young woman. "Four's just poor sportsmanship."<p>

She had lost track of Eddie somewhere between Fourth Avenue and Bank Street, now it was just her versus the entirety of Gotham's underworld.

The small gang looked amongst themselves. The best thing about being Catwoman was that as a shade of grey crooks never knew whether she was about to bust ass or join rank and as such the element of confusion was enough to get a good enough drop on them.

Pulling out her bola, she let it drop to the ground heavily, intimidating the little punks.

The one nearest her was up for a good fight and took a swing at her with the chain he was carting around, she ducked it and lunged for his midsection, knocking him to the ground. By now the other three were swarming her, one trying to grab hold of her arms to prevent their use.

She elbowed him roughly and pulled out of the melee, swiping a boot at one of the punks who tried to follow her.

"Like I said, unsporting." She panted with a small grin.

Somewhere in Gotham something exploded and two of the punks took off, she threw her bola at one and caught him around the knees, cracking her whip like an agitated cat tail, she purred. "And then there were two…"

As the one who was going to get away turned the corner onto the street, he was flung back into the alley, landing on his ass, out cold.

Eddie emerged from around the corner, twirling a police baton. "You missed one." He greeted her idly, shouldering the baton and moving to stand beside her. He looked rumpled, but unharmed.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." She replied, eyes locked on the two before her. "Where the hell were you?"

"Window shopping." He replied simply, moving to stand at her side. "Mad Science is having a sale on beakers. Why?" He studied the situation. "Oh? So you still want to save Gotham, huh? We're still doing this?"

Before Selina, the young thugs looked unsure now.

The woman they were assaulting had long since picked herself off the grimy pavement and was watching silently as Catwoman and a man dressed like Two-Face slowly closed in on the remaining two men.

And then suddenly Eddie struck out, grabbing hold of the chain the one man was holding.

"Give me that," he snarled in his best, darkest Riddler tone. "Who fights with a chain anymore?"

The man gave it up, before taking flight through the hole the two 'heroes' left.

Eddie lashed out after him with the chain, while Selina took the distraction to round house the remaining man.

They both stood over the pile of unconscious bodies quietly.

"Nice chain work," she remarked wryly. "Guess you got your weapon with flare, huh?"

He twirled the chain around. "It's nice enough, I suppose...it's no Uzi...but, meh...it's better than the baton..."

"Shut up about the Uzi, Ed." She replied dryly.

He was too busy eyeing the woman who was tentatively approaching them. "Go on, get!" He barked like a man chasing off a stray cat, stamping his foot at her and flailing his free hand.

She turned tail and ran.

"Why?" Selina demanded.

Eddie beamed at her, pulling out a coin from his pocket. "We're Two-Face, woman, we are complex and irritable." Tossing it up, he bobbled the catch, the coin flying off the tips of his fingers and into the night.

"I'm so glad I didn't get you Bane's unitard…you would have probably tore her head right off…" she muttered, leading them out of the alley.

* * *

><p>By the end of the night, Selina was ready to collapse.<p>

They had restricted themselves to putting out small fires mostly, preventing looting and the general gun point assault and robbery that happened when petty criminals thought the cops were busy with other, more important things.

"You know," he began wearily as she drove the long, lonely road back to Arkham to put Eddie back before anyone noticed he was missing. "There's something I've always wanted to ask you…"

"What's that?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the road for fear of falling asleep and crashing.

"In Rome…did you and that blonde fellow…?"

"No," she replied quickly. "I wasn't his type."

He was silent for a moment.

Selina glanced over at him, he was dirty and a little battered from their ordeal, but in the near dark he was youthful, adorable. "So…you _can _fight…"

He wagged his finger at her. "_I_ never said I couldn't, you just assumed."

"Well, you're not as skilled as you could be, but you're not terrible."

He smiled. "Not terrible? I think I want that on my headstone when I die. Edward Nygma: Not Terrible."

They drove for a few minutes in silence.

"Eddie?"

"Hn?"

"Why'd you put on my catsuit in Rome?"

He smirked, eyes closed. "You seemed distracted…thought you could have used a good laugh."

"Instead I kicked your ass."

He chuckled. "It was a strategic move on my part to allow you to feel like you had superior fighting skills in comparison to mine. I thought that, when the time came to double cross you, you would be arrogant in the assumption…"

"Um-hmm. How was your flight back from Rome?"

He scowled and cracked open an eye to glare at her with. "Turbulent."

Smiling in the darkness, she avoided a group of straggling inmates from Arkham, driving off road a little. "I knew you were in Arkham looking after Maggie."

"It was just mere coincidence, my dear. Don't read too much into it."

"Eddie." She growled low, letting him know she wasn't up for bullshit.

Clearing his throat, he adjusted his suit. "In my last visit to her, said there was an inmate, a woman, trying to force herself on her in the showers. The guards weren't doing anything, so I took it upon myself to protect her virtue. I managed to get inside Arkham and paid a few of the female inmates to watch over her, while I ensured she was getting protected properly." He smirked wickedly. "I ruled with an iron fist..."

"Who? The Meerkat-people?" She teased.

He chuckled.

"You're a regular knight-in-shining-armour, Ed." She said after a moment of silence.

"Well...more of a knight-in-zebra print-and-pinstripe..."

"So, what do you want, then?"

"Hn?"

"Well, you said it yourself, you don't do anything without benefiting from it."

He beamed in the darkness. "How about we discuss this at a later date, my dear?"

"You don't know what you want, do you?"

"I _must_ want something. Why else would I do it?" He puzzled.

They fell into a warm silence.

"Thank you," she whispered.

* * *

><p>In the long run she figured she probably shouldn't have taken his offer to join him inside Arkham one last time before law and order showed up. Being pressed against the metal shelving unit in the Personal Effects Lock-Up wasn't her idea of high romance, but it was kind of thrilling.<p>

Eddie needed to change anyways, right? May as well help him with that.

Yup, she was just a helpful cat.

He nipped at her jugular and she dug her claws into his back as a reflexive action forgetting all about her diamond tips, which earned her a hiss of pain.

"Sorry," she muttered.

Eddie attacked her throat with much more enthusiasm, rocking the shelf she was set against, villain costumes rained down on them from above and covered them completely.

Under the pile of clothes, pressed against her, Eddie sighed heavily, while she laughed silently at the situation.

Swimming their way out, they stood awkwardly over the pile of clothes, Eddie half naked, wearing only Two-Face's trousers and Selina overdressed.

He scratched his chin with his thumb.

She tilted her hip.

He cleared his throat.

She quirked a brow.

Then he took a step towards her, hand outstretched towards the pull on her suit front. Selina thought he was going to zip her back up - Eddie was strangely enough, a gentleman like that - but instead of zipping it up, he tugged it down more until the pull came to a stop just under her breasts.

Slowly he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her clavicle, where the cat pendant still hung. He muttered something so softly, that Selina missed it.

She slid her hands into his hair, she wanted to ask what he muttered, but felt words would ruin the moment.

"Fifty-seventh as I recall."

She caught that.

With one final, sweet kiss to the tip of her nose, Eddie pulled away. "I won't sully your reputation by taking you here in a glorified closet." He remarked slyly.

"To hell with that," she growled, pushing him to the floor.

He stared up at her from the top of the pile of clothes as she straddled him.

"Now, what was that you were muttering earlier?" She purred, nipping on the finger tips of her gloves gingerly to remove them.

"Shakespeare's fifty-seventh sonnet." He replied running his hands up her thighs thoughtfully.

"I'm listening," she said, leaning down to rub her cheek against his, feeling his stubble scratch her blissfully.

"Being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desire…"

She stopped him with a hand to his mouth. "You're actually reciting poetry while we do this in a 'glorified closet'?"

He nodded.

Selina smirked. "You're such a freak."


	11. Thanksgiving

_**Well, here is it. The second to last chapter.**_

_**To Robot521, I'm so glad you read When In Rome and liked it. Despite the weird depiction of the Riddler (never cared much for the Riddler to look like Gollum from LotR...), it's probably the best series I read involving Eddie and Selina. I know I definitely had to swipe a copy of that kiss for future enjoyment. I loved the look of Catwoman in that series though. I'm not a fan of her short, spiky hair or the goggles really, but meh. At least she's not sucking Batman's face anymore, so...that's something...*awkward pause*...how hot are those Arkham inmate scrubs? Nice right?**_

_**Violeta27, I pretty much love the entirety of the Gotham rogue gallery, so I tried to stuff in as many of my favourites as I could. Didn't get the Clock King in there though. (Yes! I love the Clock King! Everyone stop your teasing! He doesn't have TIME for your bullshit!) When you wrote 'all your favourite villains in one convenient place', I had a vision of all the villains lined up on shelves like products in a grocery store. I'd shop there...pick up a couple Riddlers...and a Scarecrow for the ride home. Weyy! (did I use that correctly?)**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*Thanksgiving*~<strong>_

She awoke to the feel of something cool resting against her breast, tickling it.

Before her fist could connect, she placed the form hovering over her in her bed and brought her fist to a halt, her knuckles an inch from his chin.

Eddie peered down at her, all blue eyed and inquisitive, his gloved hands on either side of her head, his tie resting against her.

Without even caring why or how he was there, and still half asleep, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. She hadn't even realized how much she missed the tall, lanky, elf until he was there, hovering over her naked form.

He deepened the kiss like it was the air that a drowning man needed and what began as a simple kiss became heated, needing.

"Maggie?" She asked, as he attacked her throat with a series of nips and licks.

"No, Eddie." He replied.

She slapped his head and he pulled away with a laugh, rubbing it.

"Ow…I know you dress like one, but I really want to go slow with the dominatrix thing, kitten."

Selina touched a hand to her chin. "I mean, how are you here and what about Maggie?"

Eddie smirked. "Ah, that. I was released and Maggie will be fine. I killed her bully."

"What?" His words were so simple, that it was almost tempting to believe them.

He laughed. "I resolved the problem, the bully's fine. In another ward, but fine."

Running her hands over his chest, Selina made a small sound in her throat.

"Safety word is 'turkey'," he teased, moving in to press his mouth to her jugular, gloved hand moving like a rogue towards her breast.

She slapped it away. "Let's not get too comfortable with the hands, Ed. How'd you get released?" She demanded. Now fully awake, she realized that perhaps kissing him wasn't the smartest move. After all, she didn't want to give him too much affection, he'd probably get used to getting it for free and she wanted to make him to work for it a little.

"Doctor Leeves said my breakdown was natural for someone like myself and let me off with a clean bill of mental health as long as I continue to see my Psychiatrist every week and take these pills he supplied. They taste like a sour chimp, but...I'm sure they're safe." He said, easing down onto the bed beside her, pillowing his head with his hands. "Truthfully, my acting was supreme. I looked him in the eye and in my sanest voice said 'I want another chance, Doc'."

"What about Maggie? Are you sure she's fine?"

Eddie smirked. "Of course. Hungry?"

"What? It's like…four in the morning." She griped.

He leaned in and enveloped her, smothering her with a kiss.

She pushed him away. "Calm down, Eddie. Let me brush my teeth at least."

He laughed. "I wasn't going to say anything."

Getting out of bed she padded to her bathroom to brush her teeth, Eddie waited in her room on her bed.

"You have a good set up here," he called out. "Hard to infiltrate a second time...considering you changed the locks."

She smirked and spit. "I was trying to avoid having you creep into my bedroom again."

"Can't keep a good detective out, my dear." He replied.

"Unfortunately."

"It's Thanksgiving today," he pointed out.

"Yup."

"Got plans? A date perhaps?"

She poked her head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth. "Maybe." She stood there for a moment longer, admiring the line of him stretched out on her bed, hands behind his head, legs crossed at the ankles.

"Blond fellow?"

"How'd you guess?" She asked, going back to her sink.

"Seems your type." His voice was just behind her, then. It startled her a little at how fast he moved, but then again his long legs only needed about three steps to cover the space between her bed and the bathroom.

Looking at Eddie in the mirror, Selina put her toothbrush back and proceeded to run water to wash her face with. "Actually, he's a lawyer."

"Oh, wonderful." He replied, pocketing his hands. "I'm sure he's the wunderkind of law school."

"He's supposed to be fairly brilliant, but that's not why I agreed to the date." She said. Turning around she pat Eddie's chest. "He's a hobbyist cyclist, beautiful body."

Eddie smiled, his teeth gnashed together tightly. "Fantastic. I'm very happy for you."

"Yay me." She stated flatly, splashing more water on her face.

"Ah, to celebrate the rape of the indigenous people with turkey and blond cyclists." Eddie remarked.

A gloved hand slipped around her waist and stopped above her navel.

Selina paused, waiting for the jealousy to come. The truth was, she wasn't expecting him to be out for Thanksgiving and had taken the date just so she wouldn't be alone on a holiday for the first time since last Christmas. The lawyer was just a date, someone to eat expensive turkey dishes with at a fancy restaurant.

But the hand dropped and Eddie stepped back, adjusting his cufflinks.

"Well, don't let him get fresh," he replied. "You're a lady and should be treated as such. Unless it's a really expensive place and he drives a great car, then you ought to bag and tag that one, as the youth of today might say."

She turned around to face him.

"Thanksgiving's a hollow holiday anyways, barely even a holiday." He grumbled, adjusting his tie efficiently.

"Maybe I'll see you at Christmas, Ed." She said.

He nodded. "Unless it's thirty dollar sparkling water and a jag."

"Exactly."

* * *

><p>His first strike was ordering for her.<p>

The man was gorgeous, but he was a complete and utter pompous ass and not in the Edward Nygma style of arrogance, either. This man was in a class all his own.

Still, he did drive a Bentley and the sparkling water was twenty-nine ninety-nine a bottle, but still he was an insufferable ass.

Strike two came when he talked to her breasts all night.

She tolerated it, because he was a typical man and men did tend to get overly excited when breasts were enhanced with a low cut sweater.

But strike three, strike three had been the big one.

Selina honestly didn't think men as blatantly chauvinistic as him existed anymore, but when the topic turned to famous women in Gotham's underworld, he had made a remark about how all the villainesses needed was a man to rein them in.

He meant for it to come out as a husband to tame them, she was sure, but any way you sliced it, it was still the wrong goddamned way and now she was faced with a decision, let him walk out with her or politely excuse herself, go outside and slash his tires without looking back.

Which brought her to the window outside Eddie's apartment, perched on the ledge, watching his back as he sat at his workbench.

She didn't know what it was he was working on, but she just enjoyed watching him wrists deep into something. He had taken off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves on his pinstripe shirt. The waistcoat he wore enhanced his trim figure beautifully, reminding Selina just why she had slept with him in the first place. He really did cut a fine figure.

The news that day had been how he came back from Arkham with no PI business to return to. Everyone was talking and no one was kind about it.

Once more Selina ruined someone's life simply by being in it.

She didn't ask him to fake a breakdown to get back into Arkham, but she did ask him to make contact with her sister which led to the decision.

Eddie's gloved hands carefully broke open a snow globe to extract a beautiful ballerina from inside it.

She was so fucking stupid.

Despite the fact that Eddie would always be the Riddler deep down. Despite all the years of them double crossing each other, this Eddie, the one who she had a feeling was the real one, had yet to let her down. Even when her and the girls set him up as bait, he didn't extort money from them or hold it over their heads that he was legit and they were still shades of grey, he just asked the where's, why's and how's before going on his way into the trap.

Fuck! He didn't even ask for payment.

And then he kept popping up and she thought it was because he had decided to annoy her like the Riddler had a penchant for doing, but…maybe he was just lonesome? Maybe he was like every living creature on earth, maybe he just wanted someone to notice him or listen to him.

She tapped softly against the glass with a finger nail and he turned from his work, peering over his ridiculous magnified eyeglasses.

As he opened the window, he asked, "did you have to rough him up?"

Did she look _that _bad?

"No," she said, touching a hand to her hair to ensure it wasn't crazed or wild looking.

Eddie raised a slender hand to brush her hair behind her ear to better see her face.

She hid her smile by touching a hand to her cheek.

Carefully, he wrapped his hands around her upper arms and helped her inside. "Was he unbearable?"

"Completely," she replied.

"Was he smarter than me?" He teased. Before she could answer, he touched his forefinger to the tip of her nose. "Trick question…no one's smarter than me."

"Bringing back some of the old Eddie arrogance?" She asked.

"I thought for old time's sake I'd try it out again. I wear it so well."

"I heard about your agency."

He reacted the opposite way she expected he would and laughed, pocketing his hands. "Yeah…don't worry, business was closed down because no one wanted to hire an unstable PI, but I have several talents up my sleeve and in time people will forget...they usually do. Tea?"

She nodded.

As Eddie moved off into the kitchen, she studied his workbench. Touching her hand to his current project carefully. It was a crude wooden box in the stages of being smoothed and etched.

"What are you working on?" She asked.

He came back to stand beside her, picking up the ballerina. "Maggie told me about a music box she had as a little girl. She said she played it until the music wore out. I thought I'd try my hand at replacing it for her for when she gets out of Arkham. It keeps my hands busy…truthfully I miss tinkering with things. One doesn't get to construct bombs as often as one wishes while on this side of the law."

Thinking of Maggie's childhood and the one she never had, Selina touched the ballerina in Eddie's hand. "You know, I still haven't seen pictures of you as a boy."

"Hn, well fair is fair, I suppose." He set the ballerina down and took her by the hand to lead her through his apartment into his bedroom.

She perched on the bed, still in her winter coat.

The last time she was in Eddie's bedroom on his bed was the first night they fucked…was it fucked or made love? She knew there was a difference, but she was sure it was merely splitting hairs.

The bedroom wasn't anything she'd expect from the Riddler in terms of decorating. Simple, earth colours, a heavy, old world wooden bed and a dresser. Beside the bed, on his night table, was a stack of books that nearly reached the ceiling and a pair of reading glasses.

She smiled thinking of Eddie sitting in bed reading, looking like an old man.

Stealing a glance to where he was deep in his closet, she leaned across the bed and picked up the glasses, putting them on curiously to judge the strength, before removing them and putting them back.

Wriggling out of her coat, she pulled Eddie's pillow to her chest and watched as he dug through his closet, his well polished Oxford's the only things sticking out.

Inhaling the scent from his pillow reminded her why she was there. It was Eddie. Eddie smelled of confidence and familiarity. He always had.

Eddie was unlike any man she had ever met. Even when he was the Riddler, he always seemed to hold her in some form of high regard, he was ten times more insufferable and unbearable then, but he was in more pieces back then. Now he was put together like a shattered vase, with veins of yellowed glue and a brittle appeal. Now he was composed, saner, but almost vulnerable. It was as though he were walking a tightrope, dangling over the madness that lurked inside him.

He returned to the bed with a safety deposit box and set it down between them.

"I haven't opened this in years," he warned. "Beware of old spores and dust motes that could kill."

She smirked. "Not to mention germs that could have been breeding and mutating."

Eddie adjusted his gloves. "Charming." Opening the box, he ran a hand over the top of the collection of things gingerly. "This is a brief summary of my entire life…if you squint."

Selina looked over the things inside, not touching, just studying them. It was almost sad to see that he didn't have many things in the box, but it was strangely familiar. Her own box was just as barren.

She plucked out the photograph of him as a child from where it lay underneath the other items.

If she thought he reminded her of an elf now, he was the perfect picture of an elf as a boy.

It was startling, though, to see him just as sombre in his youth as she had been. His pale, nearly transluscent skin was dark around his listless eyes, giving him a haunted look. He looked like a pitiful child, serious and desolate.

Behind him in the photograph stood a tall man who looked so much like Eddie, only dark haired, with narrow, almost cruel eyes and a proud angle to his chin. A woman, petite and prim stood there as well, hands clasped before her, head bowed ever so.

"You got your father's looks." She said.

"And my mother's hair."

Gently setting down his photograph, she eyed the box once more.

"Go ahead, tonight I'm an open book." He urged her.

Carefully she dipped her hand inside and pulled out a first place ribbon.

He snatched it away quickly and set it aside. "Not that."

She looked at the ribbon, where it had been cast aside. There was a dark stain ruining the blue satin and it was crumpled, something that didn't seem to fit into Eddie's clean, meticulous habits. "I thought you were an open book tonight?"

"Not that," he repeated simply.

Moving the box, she slid across the expanse, fingers brushing over his hand. "Please?" She asked, nuzzling against the underside of his chin. It seemed unfair to her that she had spilled everything about Maggie, but he didn't trust her enough to tell her the significance of the ribbon.

She bit her bottom lip. "Does it have something to do with your first death?"

Eddie swallowed thickly, but forced a smile. "How is a raven like a writing desk?"

Feeling cuddly, she carefully wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled against his throat, pressing her lips to his pulse. "Eddie?"

"Not going to chance a guess?"

Selina sighed. "If I answer the riddle, will you tell me about the ribbon?"

"That is how the game is played, kitten."

She smirked. His arrogance was clear, she didn't even have to look at him to know he thought she'd never guess it. "How is a raven like a writing desk?" She repeated.

"Not my riddle, but still a very poignant one…" he muttered.

"Poe wrote on both."

Eddie paused. Froze almost, before sighing. "It's hardly clever." He growled. "I would have also accepted-"

"Both have inky quills." She interrupted.

Sighing again, Eddie nodded. "Well, fair is fair…Are you sure you want to hear the story? It's not something beautiful." He said in a voice that barely sounded like Edward Nygma. It sounded tremulous and lost.

"I need to hear it, Edward."

He quirked a brow. "Okay…" he inhaled deeply. "Um, when I was…no." He began again. "My father was brilliant. He was destined for greatness, but in university he had an interlude with a pretty red headed first year and it resulted in my conception."

Selina fisted some of Eddie's shirt in her hand gently.

"He was raised to do right by the woman, but obviously wasn't ever taught how to treat one. He quit university to marry my mother and took a low paying job in some plant.

My entire young life, I was constantly reminded of how he gave up his 'destiny' to cater to a 'useless brat' and a 'ungrateful woman'. His correction methods were always violent, but never brutal. A cuff upside the head here or a boxed ear there. Now, I should remind you, he wasn't just some low-brow punk, my father came from wealth, but it had slowly dissipated after he was born. He always carried himself well. Dressed in suits and silk ties, well polished shoes and cufflinks that sparkled.

I was never the centre of attention, my advanced intellect made me a mediocre student at school - I was too advanced to care about silly projects and put no effort into them - and my awkward social graces made me a ghost in the halls.

Then one day in grade five there was a contest. Solve the puzzle fastest and win a ribbon. It was a silly sudoku.

I didn't intend to win, I just solved the puzzle.

But I won," he fingered the blue ribbon Selina held, fingers whispering against hers.

"It was the first time I felt like anyone saw me. All the children in the classroom were looking at me. I had gained some form of attention and mild acceptance. I raced home, I don't know if I thought perhaps it would imbue some camaraderie between my father and myself, but I was eager to show him the prize I had won." Eddie stopped short, eyes on the wall across the room.

Selina felt around in the near darkness for his hand and laced her fingers with his. "Eddie, you don't have to…"

"No, it's okay," he cleared his throat. "My father, when I got home, my father accused me of cheating. Said I stole the answers beforehand and cheated. My mother was out getting groceries, so there was no one to interfere on my behalf when he dragged me into the basement." Again he hesitated.

Maybe she shouldn't have pushed…her story about Maggie didn't seem to affect her half as badly as Eddie's story was affecting him. He would break and Selina would be responsible for ruining his life once again.

But, with a deep breath, he pushed on firmly, hand gripping hers. "I can't recall what happened, whether my mind is blocking it or whether the injuries prevent recollection, but I do remember a small, fuzzy feeling of being cold and the smell of blood and urine.

I woke up two weeks later in the hospital, my jaw was wired shut, my body was battered and beaten and my father was long gone." He touched a hand to his chin. "To this day, I can't understand why he did it...whether he saw me as a threat to his intellect or whether he just had enough of me..."

She didn't know what to say to that. Words didn't seem like they would have any power.

Blinking, Eddie made a small sound in the back of his throat. "You're the first person I've ever told that story. Not even the Doctors at Arkham could wrench it from me."

Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to the underside of his chin. "Anyone tries that with you now I'd kill them." It just sort of fell out, but curled up against him as she was, Selina's maternal instincts had kicked in, couple that with the sight of the Riddler as a boy, only cemented her desire to wrap her arms around him to keep the darkness away.

This brightened his countenance and he angled his face down to stare at her, nose to nose, his hand removing itself from hers to rub at the tears that was sparkling in the corner of her eye. "Don't pity me, my dear."

"I don't," she shook her head. "If anything, I have little more respect for you."

"Ah, the man who battled his father and lost."

"You were only little, it wasn't a fair fight. I'd imagine if he tried that now, you'd lay him out." She replied, her finger sliding over his waistcoast, seeking out the scar she had given him.

"I'd like to see him try," he said, "from beyond the grave."

Eddie's tone said enough about how the old man may have died.

Turning her eyes back on the box, she smirked and pulled away from him, snatching up a cheap plastic ring, "what's this?" She asked, changing the subject swiftly.

Eddie touched it. "There was this cute little brunette girl in my first grade class, I wanted to marry her. What was her name…? Anyways, it took me about twenty five dollars before that rolled out of the machine."

"Aw…" she teased.

"Raquel, Raquel Velázquez." He mumbled, ignoring her.

"Didn't turn out, I take it."

Eddie scowled. "She pushed me into a mud puddle." Unwrapping his arms, he pushed to his feet. "Tea…"

Picking up the box, Selina followed him, settling on the couch in his living room as he puttered around the kitchen making the tea. Maybe it could be the best Thanksgiving she ever had and turkey wouldn't even be involved.


	12. Another Christmas

_**Well, this is it. This is the very last chapter. For those of you who have been following the story and enjoy it, do not fear, I am currently working on a sequel that is more action packed, but still funny (I hope). Thanks to all reviewers and readers who are too shy to review but enjoyed this story enough to keep with it.**_

_**Robot521, ech, Riddler in leotard is the worst...I mean he's got a nice form and all, but give me a suit and a bowler or fedora any day. Still, could be worse...they could have made him goth...I'm looking at you The Batman! A pox on your house whoever thought that would be awesome! Many, many thanks for your faithful reviews. And keep checking for my sequel to this story...it'll be up once I deem it post worthy. Hopefully I may turn this into a series...but for now, just a sequel in the works (I ain't that ambitious).**_

_**Violeta27, all your support was much loved. I know you'll be around for the sequel. In the mean time...*waiting*...you know what for...**_

_**Also, as this is it for this story, I feel the need to implore other Riddler/Catwoman fans to write and if you're reading this you must be a fan...so come on...write a story...you know you wanna. This ship needs more support, more love and more stories. I would love to be a reader for once...I promise to read any Riddler/Catwoman that emerges.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>~*Another Christmas*~<strong>_

The snow was falling on Gotham.

People were worried it would turn into white out conditions on Christmas Eve, but Selina didn't mind, she knew the city like the dark freckles that peppered Eddie's pale skin.

She was studying a pathetic looking tree that some street side vendor was trying to pass off as fresh, a hand to her chin, at her feet was a canvas bag full of gifts (surprisingly they were gifts she actually bought and wrapped herself).

A form sidled up beside her, expensive cologne wafting through the crisp air, touching her with a velvet familiarity.

"Happy holidays, Selina." They greeted.

She glanced over. "Bruce, not working late tonight?" She asked, her meaning clear to his ear.

He smirked. "Trying hard to be domestic." Touching the half dead tree, he chuckled. "Kind of makes one sad."

"You going to buy it, Charlie Brown?" She teased.

He laughed. "Why not, Alfred would get a real kick out of the trail of pine needles I'll leave carting it inside."

"I'm sure he would."

The stillness of the night was broken by the wail of sirens as five GCPD cars sped around the corner, heading past them towards the bay.

Bruce watched them, his brow furrowed. He waited a painful minute, before touching a kind hand to her wrist. "Maybe I'd better head back to the office, paperwork doesn't exactly do itself."

Selina smiled. "Good luck with that, Bruce."

Watching him go, she sighed. Things were…good? Not like she and Bruce would have ever worked anyways, Selina still liked being an unpredictable shade of grey and Bruce, Bruce would always be the dark knight.

Giving the sad tree one last glance, she strode off as well, heading in the opposite direction the cop cars were heading, making for the high ground of Gotham, gripping the canvas bag she was toting.

* * *

><p>Jonathan Crane's slender form was the one that greeted her at the back door to the Fifth Street Mortuary, his eyes narrowed.<p>

"Merry Christmas, Jon." She greeted simply, one hand in the pockets of her black coat, the other holding up the bag of gifts, her eyes on the mistletoe strung merrily above their heads.

Crane growled agitatedly and ripped it down. "Christmas it may be, but you can't call it merry."

She laughed, half expecting a 'bah humbag' to follow.

"Someone got a lump of coal as a child," she replied dryly, eyeing the overload of Christmas cheer that decorated every nook and cranny of the place, definitely Harley's handiwork.

He moved across the loading bay, towards a long workbench in the middle of the garage loaded down with bubbling concoctions.

"Har around?"

Picking up a pair of safety goggles he pulled them on. "Probably out carolling or some such nonsense…" he griped.

"Oh, come on. Can't be that bad." She remarked. "You have mistletoe."

"Lina!" The blonde popped out from a doorway, antlers in her hair, a fake blinking red nose on her face.

"Oh…wow!" Selina returned, mildly horrified.

Throwing her arms around Selina, the blonde squeezed hard. "Merry Christmas!"

Making eye contact with Crane over Harley's head, Selina pushed both eyebrows up, silently communicating with him.

He smiled ever so, pale blue eyes twinkling in an 'I-told-you-so' manner.

"Merry Christmas, Harley." Selina said, putting up with the hug by counting the ceiling tiles, she counted them three times over, before the blonde released her. Setting the bag down, Selina went through it, pulling out a long red and black wrapped gift for Harley.

She squealed. "Gifts! I've been good all year!"

"Except when we blew up City Hall, my dear." Crane replied, peering over his glasses at her.

In his eyes Selina saw a strange mixture of love and annoyance, but then again Crane found most humans to be insects, so being merely annoyed with someone was a really big step towards something more for him.

"That was…bright." Harley shot back. "Santa appreciates a good light show."

Pulling out a pale blue and silver wrapped gift, Selina tossed it at Crane. "Head's up!"

Despite the fact he put his hands up, the gift sailed right between them and hit his face. It rebounded off his cheek and into an outstretched hand. "What's this for?" He demanded.

"Use it to stir your next batch of bastard gas for all I care," she shot back.

He scoffed. "You're not expecting something in return, I hope." Crane sneered.

Harley leapt in happily. "I bought the gifts this year, Jonny! Dontcha worry!"

Crane merely turned his eyes back to his work, flapping a hand at them to move it along.

The two women moved into the next room, it was an office area of sorts, decorated just as freely and crazily as the garage. Harley dragged Selina through the mortuary until they reached the chapel where a huge tree blinked down at them, it was over dressed for the occasion and that said a lot since the occasion was Christmas and over dressed was it's specialty.

Rummaging under the tree, Harley pulled out two gifts. "Here you go, for you." She handed over a smallish box and then a larger one. "And for Eddie," she added with a wink.

Selina pursed her lips. "Har…"

"Don't worry, no one knows but me…and Jonny…and Ivy cause she told me…and Dr. Fries for some reason…and I think Harvey Dent…maybe Commissioner Gordon then because they work together…which means Batman and Robin might know…and Nightwing…maybe Oracle…Huntress…Superman by proxy…oh, and Ozzie, cuz he's the Granddaddy of Gotham and knows everything!"

"Okay, Harley, thank you. But…Eddie and I aren't together." To drive the point home, she added. "At all."

Big blue eyes studied her. "Why not?"

"He's not really my type."

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard. And at Christmas too!" The blonde tsked and bit her bottom.

Leaning over, Selina gave the sweet clown a kiss on the forehead. "Merry Christmas, Harley. I'll see you around."

"Yeppers." She said sombrely.

"Passing through, ignore the man behind the curtain." Crane broke in, moving into the room on his long legs.

Instead of ignoring him, Harley launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Mistletoe attack!"

He caught her, but just barely, practically doubling over from the overly joyful greeting.

Despite being the Master of Fear, Jonathan Crane smirked at Harley's enthusiasm, it was boyish, startling coming from the Scarecrow.

"Harleen, we spoke about doing that…I was three rooms down, okay? Not in another country."

The blonde ignored him, pressing quick kisses to his cheeks and mouth.

Selina crossed her arms and eyed the mistletoe above them. After seeing Crane's reaction to the kiss, she wondered just who was hanging the mistletoe, because really, what was across the room that the Scarecrow needed so badly?

* * *

><p>Ozzie was in the middle of a boisterous speech to his waitresses at the Iceberg that night, puffing away at his cigarette and smiling slickly.<p>

"Whatever that man says, do the opposite." She barked out, stepping into the midst of the gathered crowd.

The Penguin laughed. "She's probably right, get out of here all of you or no bonuses!"

As the waitresses scattered, Selina slunk over to the crime lord. "Working at Christmas, Ebenezer?"

"Believe me, they're getting paid well. Besides, someplace has to be open for the losers with no one." He turned to her, blue eye sparkling through his monocle. "You know the type…"

She quirked a brow at him. "For that you don't get your present."

"Unless you have a bow wrapped around your waist, I probably wouldn't want it."

"Not even if it was socks?" She teased.

The Penguin paused, puffing away like a train. "Socks? Now socks…socks are different."

Handing him a purple gift, she beamed at his hesitation and leaned in to kiss him. "Merry Christmas, Ozzie."

"And a festering New Year, kit…er, pussycat."

* * *

><p>She carefully picked her way across the lawns, heading for a cheerfully lit greenhouse at the back of an old, abandoned Victorian home.<p>

Knowing Ivy's guard vines, Selina chose not to get all caught up, opting to use her cat-like sense of stealth to get the drop on the red head in her home.

Very, very carefully she pushed open the door and stepped into the greenhouse, the warmth and humidity immediately enveloping her.

Wandering down aisle after aisle of plants, she turned a corner and found that she wasn't alone.

Halfway down, a bulky form stood tall, studying a valise sized pod with a tilt of his bald head.

"Doctor Fries?" She asked softly, afraid of startling the man.

He gave her a casual glance. "Selina, dear." His accented tone was watered after years of being in Gotham, but still held a kick that tickled Selina.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, padding towards him cautiously, whenever another villain stood in the place where someone else should, it meant only one thing, they were feuding.

He smiled sadly. "Ivy asked me to watch her pride and joy," he replied simply, motioning with a nod at the pod.

Selina sidled up beside him, she hadn't been to Ivy's since the red head moved in last spring. "So, this is why she's been so annoyingly chipper lately, huh?"

"Hn, she says you can feel it kicking if you touch it." He replied, turning to face her, peering out through the glass of his helmet. "I wouldn't know."

Reaching out, Selina tentatively touched the green pod, it was slightly fuzzy and tinged a bright red towards the tapered tip. Sure enough, under her hand she felt little muted bumps.

"Where is Ivy?"

"She went out to save some poinsettia's." He replied. "I don't blame her, most people don't know the proper care for euphorbia pulcherrima. They are quite delicate, you see."

Removing her hand from the pod, Selina eyed him. Why Fries? As far as she knew he wasn't close with Ivy, so why was he here watching over her replacement womb.

"Where's Nora?" She asked, hoping to get an answer in a roundabout way.

He tilted his head towards the far corner of the greenhouse. "She likes the flowers, Ivy likes the company. Besides, the greenhouse is backed by a generator, she's safest here."

"You live here?"

Tucking his hands behind his back, the power suit that kept him a comfortable sub-zero whirring, Fries smirked. "No, I rent the house from Ivy. She had no real use for it and I needed privacy."

"Works for everyone, huh?" She asked.

There was a pause, Selina unsure what to say, she never spent all that much time with Fries, though since his stay at Arkham had mellowed his desire to see the world freeze, he had become quiet, thoughtful, sad even.

"Strange," she finally said. "That she picked you to watch over something this precious."

Fries chuckled. "You don't have to insinuate," he said, "I would have just answered whatever questions you had."

"Are you the donor for this baby?"

"I am. It was hard to get my seed the right temperature, but Pamela and I are brilliant minds and we worked something out."

"But Nora…"

"Pamela so desperately wanted a child, but her womb, as you must know, is barren. She's been very good to let my wife inhabit her space, I'm sure Nora would be pleased that a lonely woman could have one good thing in her life."

"Your wife must have been a remarkable woman." Selina said.

"She is."

Behind them they heard Ivy return, cooing out a greeting to her babies as she passed them.

Selina turned just as Ivy cornered down their aisle, her arms full of poinsettias. She didn't see either of them.

Fries and Selina both hurried to free her of her burdens.

Ivy gave her old friend a quirk of a brow in greeting, leading them towards her workbench.

When she set her load down, she arched her back and rest a hand to the small of it. "Good to know chivalry isn't dead."

"Merry Christmas, Ivy." Selina said.

"What's merry about it? Mistletoe murdered in doorways, improper care of poinsettias and don't get me started on the trees." She quipped.

Fries chuckled. "Goodnight, ladies." He said, before retiring to the house for the night.

Helping Ivy arrange her newest babies, Selina sighed. "So, how's junior?"

"Healthy, but you must know that, you were lingering near her when I came in."

"Her?"

"One can only hope," Ivy returned.

Touching a hand to her chin, she wondered if she should even broach the subject or just leave it. Perhaps Christmas wasn't the time.

"Here," she said handing Ivy her gift. "For you."

"From you _and _Eddie? Or does he still care for no one but himself?"

Selina smirked. "From me, Eddie be damned."

A perfectly trimmed eyebrow rose. "Are you and Eddie on the outs?"

"No, actually. But we have called off this insane game of ours."

"I see. Some things never change."

"I'm still my own woman, Pam."

"Just the way you like it, huh?"

"Of course."

The two women leaned against the workbench.

"So, Harley thinks I should name her 'Harlina'." Ivy said.

Selina laughed, angling her face away from her friend. "Sounds like the kind of name she'd like." Biting her bottom lip, Selina couldn't resist. "What name does Fries like?"

If the words bit, Ivy didn't reveal a thing, she just crossed her arms loosely. "He likes Belladonna."

"Do you like Belladonna?"

"It's growing on me."

* * *

><p>"Feliz Navidad, kitten."<p>

She had barely stepped into her apartment, when Eddie pulled himself out of the shadows of her hall.

"What are you going to call me when I'm old, Eddie? Grimalkin?" She demanded.

"Sounds about right." He replied, touching a gloved finger to his chin ponderously. "Taking into account the fact that we'll be around each other when we're old, I might just call you something with more spice…I always liked baby doll…"

"You start calling me 'baby doll' and I'll drop kick you out the window." She replied, moving into her kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

"Skulking, a little. If you must know. Testing your new locks...going through your underwear drawer..."

"Find anything interesting?" She asked.

Reaching into his pocket with a roguish twinkle in his eye, he pulled out a pair of lacy red panties. "Well, I found these." He said, holding them up.

Snatching them away, Selina scowled. "Please tell me you didn't actually go through my underwear drawer." She snarled, tucking her undies away.

He chuckled. "No. Those were sitting on your armchair...the living room isn't really the proper place to change, you know."

"I wasn't expecting company." She turned and bowed her head to put the electric kettle on. By the time she turned back around to offer him tea, she found Eddie right behind her, eyes electric. He set a hand on either side of her waist, trapping her between him and the counter.

"What's this I hear? That you're telling everyone we're not involved?"

"When did we get involved?" She asked, feigning shock.

"So that's how it's going to be, hn?"

Looking to the side to avoid his eyes, she sighed. "It's no one's business but ours."

After a moment, he said, "I agree."

Placing her hand to his chest, she pushed gently. "Good, now let me out."

He remained still, locking her in a cage formed of his body and the counter.

She pushed harder against his chest. "You're not playing by the rules, Eddie."

"I don't recall ever agreeing to your rules of engagement, my dear." He said.

"So the game's afoot, huh, Sherlock?" She inquired, pulling on his wrist in the hopes of gaining her freedom.

His stance was unrelenting as he shuffled in closer to her, his hips bumping hers. "There was never any game, kitten." He growled against her throat. "A game would imply I took this lightly."

"Don't get sentimental on me, Ed. I might think you actually care." She purred.

**The End**


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